^Denison's Select Plays)) 


Vorisons yob 

by 

Jlillian <iMortimer 


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publishers * Chicago 
Price 35 cents 
















































































































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AT THE END OF THE RAINBOW 

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THE THREAD OF DESTINY 

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WHEN THE CLOCK STRIKES TWELVE 

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T. S. Denison & Company, Publishers 

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YIMMIE YONSON’S 
YOB 


A Comedy-Drama 

In Three Acts 

by 

Lillian Mortimer 

n 

AUTHOR OF 

"The City Feller,” "Little Miss Jack,” "The Path 
Across the Hill,” "The Road to the City” etc. 



CHICAGO 

T. S. DENISON & COMPANY 


PUBLISHERS 

1 







2 


YIMMIE YONSON’S YOB 


?Sss*r 
6 ? 779/s 
} 7*3 



cNOTICE 

PRODUCTION OF THIS PLAY 
^ is free to amateurs, but the sole 
professional rights are reserved by 
the author, who may be addressed 
in care of the Publishers. Moving 
picture rights reserved. 


Made in U. S. A. 

COPYRIGHT,1923 
By 

' LILLIAN MORTIMER 

m - t m 

©CI.D- 65914 

{ . 




YIMMIE YONSON’S YOB 

FOR FIVE MEN AND FIVE WOMEN 


CHARACTERS 


Yimmie .. . .From “Mannasota,” 

Pal . The Detective 

Frank . The Clerk 

Micky . The Farm Hand 

Mr. Kent . The Father 

Belle . The Foster-Daughter 

Sylvia . The Niece 

Peg . The Cook 

Kittie . The Helper 

Mrs. Kent . The Mother 


Place —The Living Room of the Kents’ Farm Home. 
Time —The Present. 

Time of Playing —About Two Hours. 
SYNOPSIS 

Act I. Late afternoon in August. 

Act II. That night. 

Act III. Late the next day. 

' # 


3 














4 


YIMMIE YONSON’S YOB 


COSTUMES AND CHARACTERISTICS 

Yimmie. Appears as a good-natured Swede, aged 
about 25 , with sly humor, inclined to be romantic. 
Blond crop wig and large blond moustache; heavy 
shoes; white socks; neat jumpers or overalls, rolled 
above shoe-tops; bright colored shirt with sleeves rolled 
to elbows; bright handkerchief tied loosely at neck; old 
straw hat or cap. For final entrance in last act he dis¬ 
cards wig and moustache and is found to be only about 
20 ; a boyish, clean-cut lad; very earnest in speech. 
Final costume includes dark trousers, white negligee 
shirt, no cap. 

Pal. Aged about 28 . Very lively manner; speaks 
with a lot of “pep”; full of fun, but serious in his love 
scenes with Kittie. Neat business suit of light weight. 

Frank. Aged about 26 . Furtive in manner; in¬ 
clined to be quarrelsome in his scenes with Sylvia. Neg¬ 
ligee shirt; light trousers with belt; straw hat; low 
shoes. 

Micky. Aged about 30. A pleasantly rough, ex¬ 
citable Irishman, who grows very serious and solemn 
when he tells of seeing Bob’s ghost. Rough farm cloth¬ 
ing, with blue denim shirt, sleeves rolled back; jean 
trousers; large straw hat; bandana handkerchief, with 
which he constantly wipes perspiration from face when 
speaking of the ghost. 

Mr. Kent. Aged about 60. A stern farmer with a 
decided, determined manner; obstinate and stubborn; 
speaks loudly, but in scenes with Sylvia he shows affec¬ 
tion and a more considerate manner. In the last act, 
in his scene with Bob, he is more brusque than usual, but 
this is to hide his real heartache. Costume includes 
light shirt, open at neck and with sleeves rolled up; 
overalls ; boots ; large straw hat. 



YIMMIE YONSON’S YOB 


5 


Belle. Aged about 19. A sweet, gentle girl, but 
able to hold her own in scenes with Sylvia; unselfish and 
considerate; very tender in her scenes with Mrs. Kent; 
complete change of manner in Yimmie’s love-making 
scene, when she is lively and full of mischief. Light, 
summery dress for Act I. Same for Act II, changing 
to pretty kimono, boudoir cap and slippers. House 
dress with all-over apron for Act III, changing to a 
“bridey” looking gown, white and fluffy but simply 
made, for last scene. 

Sylvia. Aged about 20. Very supercilious in man¬ 
ner ; shows fear and nervousness in scenes with Frank, 
and somewhat overdrawn affection with Mr. Kent. In 
Act III she is peevish and fearful, ending in absolute 
despair. She overdresses somewhat, in a silk summer 
dress, picture hat, silk hose and pretty pumps for Acts 
I and II, and a bright organdie for Act III. 

Peg. Aged about 28. Very decided and spunky in 
manner, and enjoys “getting back” at Sylvia, whom 
she heartily dislikes. Devoted to Mrs. Kent and Belle. 
Very superstitious, and shows great fear regarding the 
ghost. Fiery red hair, florid complexion. Full-skirted, 
loose-waisted summer dress and all-over apron, white 
cotton hose, large comfortable shoes, for Act I. Bright 
colored petticoat, negligee jacket, bed-room slippers, 
boudoir cap, hair in curl papers, for Act II. Neat 
gown for Act III, changing to rather exaggerated cos¬ 
tume with full-skirted dress, small white straw sailor 
hat elaborately trimmed with green feathers, bright 
colored tie at throat. 

Kittie. Aged about 16. A saucy, mischievous girl, 
lively in manner, shy and coquettish in scenes with Pal, 
saucy and coaxing in scenes with Peg. Gingham apron 
of pink or blue, white cotton hose and low-heeled 



6 


YIMMIE YONSON’S YOB 


strapped slippers in Act I. Outing flannel nightgown 
and big slippers for Act II, changing to a negligee or 
wrapper. Simple gingham dress for Act III, changing 
to a rather overtrimmed gingham, gaily decked with 
ribbons, with an overtrimmed little hat which, however, 
is picturesque rather than outlandish. The dress has 
short sleeves, and she wears wrist-length kid gloves. 
White hose and slippers as before. 

Mrs. Kent. Aged about 50. A sweet, patient, sor¬ 
rowing woman, inclined to be an invalid. Very gentle 
to everyone. Her heart is filled with sorrow over the 
loss of her boy. Pale lavender gown of soft material, 
with lace at throat and wrists. 



YIMMIE YONSON’S YOB 


7 


PERSONAL PROPERTIES 
Yimmie —Carpet-bag. 

Pal —Note book and pencil; small automatic, not 
loaded; handcuffs. 

Frank —Cigarette; electric flashlight. 

Mr. Kent —Pipe; tobacco; matches; newspaper. 
Belle —Pitcher. 

Sylvia —Bag purse; silk bag on ribbon, containing 
ring and note; man’s watch. 

Peg—H andkerchief and basin of water; cup of tea; 
mending basket and socks; market basket. 

Kittie —N ovel. 

Candle and matches in cupboard. 


NOTES ON STAGING 

The raised doorway at left, reached by short flight of 
steps, contributes to the effectiveness of the staging, 
but if this cannot be arranged a regular door at left 
can be used. Thunder is made by shaking a piece of 
sheet iron. The lightning effect is worked with a high- 
poWered electric light bulb, which is not turned all the 
way into the socket. To make the flash, turn the globe 
full into the socket for a fraction of a second and then 
give it a reverse twist to end the flash. Do not over¬ 
work the storm effects. 




8 


YIMMIE YONSON’S YOB 


SCENE PLOT. 

LANDSCAPE BACKING 



STAGE DIRECTIONS 

Up stage means away from footlights; down stage , 
near footlights. In the use of right and left, the actor 
is supposed to be facing the audience. 











YIMMIE YONSON’S YOB 


The First Act. 

Scene : The living room of the Kents 9 farm home. A 
door right of center in the rear wall leads outside. The 
door to the kitchen is in the right wall, near the audi¬ 
ence. A short flight of steps runs up to a door or open¬ 
ing in the left wallxlose to the rear wall. A large window 
is in the center of the rear wall. A low door leads into 
a closet or cupboard left of center in the rear wall, be¬ 
tween window and stairway. Living room table and 
chairs occupy the center of the stage. A rocking chair 
is down right, a large chair down left, and a hat-rack 
against rear wall, right of outside door. Plain interior 
backing is set behind the kitchen door , the stairway 
opening and the cupboard. Through the outside door 
and the window a bit of country landscape is visible. 
Electric light switch near outside door. Storm effect 
back stage. 

The lighting is for an August afternoon. 

At Rise : There is no one on the stage. 

Peg enters from the kitchen, crosses to the outside 
door and looks toward the right. 

Peg (speaking to someone back right). Well, would 
he ate it ? 

Micky enters from outside, hat in hand. 

Micky. Sure he ate it. (Crosses to rocker and sits, 
while talking.) But what he was atm’ was another mat¬ 
ter. Those biscuits and the apple pie slid down without 
a word of recognition. I tell ye, the poor ould man is 
heartbroken. 


9 



10 


YIMMIE YONSON’S YOB 


Peg ( crosses and sits right of table .) Indade he 
ought to be heartbroken. A father to trate his only 
son with such hardness that the poor boy had to jump 
into the river to end it all. No wonder the place is 
hanted, as they say. If it was my father that would 
be drivin’ me to suicide, by garry, my hant would come 
back. An’ I don’t believe the poor lad took a penny of 
the money. It was the doubt and accusation that broke 
his poor heart. No wonder his father can ate my pie 
and not know it. Well, it’s glad I am that the gapin’ 
curiosity-seekers have lost interest and stopped cornin’ 
here. And as for the hant ( contemptuously ) , I don’t 
believe a word of it! 

Micky ( solemnly ) . Peg—I’ve sane it. 

Peg (turns around in chair , facing him ). What’s 
that ? 

Micky. I’ve sane the hant. 

Peg. Get out of that. 

Micky. It’s the truth. 

Peg. When was this? 

Micky. Last night; as plain as I ever sane him in 
me life. Ye know how Betsy howled last night? 

Peg. Sure I do. But she’s howled every night since 
the boy’s gone. 

Micky. Well, last night I went to shut her up in 
the barn, and as I came round the comer of the house 
I hope I’ll never see me old mother again if there wasn’t 
Bob, clane cut and handsome-like, strokin’ Betsy’s head. 
The dog had her front feet on his chest and was waggin’ 
her tail to beat the band. The moon was shinin’ bright, 
and I seen Mr. Bob’s profile clear and white. Then of 
a suddent Betsy dropped at his feet and crouched there, 
and Mr. Bob glided round the bam and disappeared. 



YIMMIE YONSON’S YOB 


11 


I walked over to Betsy. She was whimperin’ soft and 
joyful-life, with her nose between her paws. 

Peg ( rises and crosses to him). By garry, Micky, if 
I thought ye was lyin’ to me I’d break every bone in yer 
body. ( Her hack is to the outside door , and she is in 
front of Micky, so neither observes when —) 

Sylvia enters from outside. She has a bag-purse 
which she carries throughout the act until her final en¬ 
trance. She stands in the doorway , listening. The 
entrance is made while they are conversing , without any 
break in the dialogue. 

Micky ( still seated ). It’s the truth I’m tellin’ ye, 
Peg. 

Peg. The boy was innocent. He niver touched a 
penny of that hundred dollars of his father’s, and the 
hant will hant until the guilty person confesses and 
clears his name. And' I think it’s meself could lay me 
hands on the two-faced villain. 

Sylvia (crossing center , back of table , speaks 
sharply). You had better go and attend to your work, 
instead of spending the time in idle gossip about your 
betters. 

Peg ( turning quickly to Sylvia ) . Indade! You do 
be sayin’? Well, Miss Sylvia, I have me betters—of 
that there’s no doubt—but by garry I’m not lookin’ 
at ’em this minute. And ye’ll be pleased to mind yer 
own business. I’m not takin’ me orders from you. When 
that day comes I’ll be doin’ a quickstep to the station 
with me trunk under m'e arm. 

Sylvia. I shall report your insolence to my uncle. 

Peg. Yer the foine little reporter. But the day will 
come, I’m thinkin’, when your uncle will get wise to the 
two faces of ye, and that’s the day I’ll dance a shillalah 
jig, belave you me. 



12 


YIMMIE YONSON’S YOB 


Sylvia. Common trash, ( Crosses down left and 
stands with her hack to Peg.) 

Peg. Trash, is it? “Oo-la-la,” as the French say. 
Every pig’s at home in his own sty, and pigs is pigs, 
whether they know it or hot, and all that keeps them 
from diggin’ in the dirt is the ring in their nose. A pig 
with a blue ribbon round his neck don’t make him a 
canary, though there’s some that don’t know a squeal 
from a song. Come on, Micky ( with grand air) me 
lord, yer lunch is waitin’ fer ye. ( Exits into kitchen , 
right.) 

Micky ( laughs , then addresses Sylvia). Ye mustn’t 
step on Peg’s corns or ye’ll find ye’ve blown the lid off 
a keg of dynamite. ( Exits into kitchen.) 

Yimmie enters from outside and stands in doorway. 
He carries a large , old-fashioned carpet hag. He is 
smiling good-natufedly. 

Yimmie. Hollo. (Sylvia turns quickly and faces 
him.) Ay ban lookin’ for yob. 

Sylvia. Who are you? 

Yimmie. Ay ban Yimmie Yonson from Mannasota. 
Ay tenk Ay get plenty yim-dandy buckwheat cakes har, 
Ay tell you dat. Yot you tenk? (Smiles.) Ay skol 
make good farmer? 

Sylvia (crosses up left of table to outside door , 
speaking as she goes) . I don’t know anything about it. 
My uncle always needs good help. You must see him. 
(Exits outside.) 

Yimmie (crossing down to right of table , smiles 
broadly). She mak me look lak saxty cents. Ay ban 
smart old son-of-a-gun, sure ’nough. Ay ban foolish. 
(Takes off hat.) 

Micky enters from kitchen and stops short upon 
seeing Yimmie, 



YIMMIE YONSON’S YOB 


13 


Micky. Hello. 

Yimmie (turns to Micky). Hollo. 

Micky. Fer the love of Mike, where’d you come 
from? 

Yimmie. Ay ban Yimmie Yonson from Mannasota. 
Ay ban look for yob. 

Micky. Work, is it? Well, Yimmie, me bucko, lave 
yer bag here and follow me and I’ll take you to the old 
man. He’s always lookin’ for help. He’ll give you a 
“yob.” 

Yim5mie (crossing to Micky). You ban gude faller, 
Ay tenk. (Extends hand.) 

Micky. Sure thing. (Shakes hands.) Are you 
hungry ?. 

Yimmie. Ay tal you. 

Micky (crosses to door right and calls into kitchen). 
Peg! Oh, Peg! (To Yimmie.) Peg will give ye a bite 
to eat. 

Peg (off right). It is me ye’re callin’? (Enters 
from kitchen , stands in door and looks at Yimmie.) Fer 
the love of Paul Anthony! (Pause.) Who’s yer blond 
friend? 

Yimmie. Ay ban Yimmie Yonson from Mannasota. 

Peg. What talk has he? Is it a Swede ye are? 

Yimmie. Ay ban gude faller, you ban gude faller, 
Ay lak you. You lak me? 

Peg. Oh, the blarney of him. 

Micky. Peg, have ye got a bite fer the lad? 

Peg. Sure. (To Yimmie.) Have ye come far? 

Yimmie. Chicago. Sax veeks ago Ay vork in voods 
since Nowember, den Ay come har. Ay an’t got cent 
in my yeans. Ay skol vorry. (Smiles.) 

Peg (amused). Come on then, ye beautiful blond. 



14 


YIMMIE YONSON’S YOB 


I’ll fill yer bread basket. Then ye’ll find plenty to do. 
Come on. ( Exits into kitchen.) 

(Yimmie puts bag on floor left of outside door , then 
crosses to kitchen door.) 

Yimmie (to Micky). Ay lak her for vife. 

Micky. Hey, where do you get that? (Smiles.) 
You may be slow, but you think fast. I’ll keep me eye 
on you, me bucko. 

Yimmie (grins). Ay ban nervy young faller. (Exits 
into kitchen .) 

Micky. Nervy is right. 

Sylvia and Frank enter from outside. Sylvia 
crosses to center , back of table. Frank crosses to right 
of table , hat in hand. Micky looks at them , then exits 
outside. 

Sylvia. Uncle will be suspicious if you keep coming 
up here during the day. How do you get away from 
the store? 

Frank. Oh, I leave the Barlow kid in charge. I 
don’t care. I’m getting tired of this. I’m ready to 
blow. 

Sylvia. Getting on your nerves ? 

Frank. Yes. I never thought that hundred-dollar 
bill would cause such a mess. That fool jumping in the 
river has sort of got my goat. 

Sylvia (crosses to him , frightened). I heard Micky 
say that he had seen him—the ghost. Do you believe 
it? 

Frank (crosses down to extreme right , then back to 
table , nervously). Yes. I’ve seen it twice myself. 
That’s why I’ve got to get out. But I hate to give up 
all our plans now. Can’t you find out where he keeps 
the money? 



YIMMIE YONSON’S YOB 


15 


Sylvia ( crosses to left of table and sits). Sh! 
{Looks arownd frightened.) I will. Give me time. One 
thing I’m sure of, and that is—he does keep it here, in 
the house. He’s hidden it some place. I’ll watch and 
find out where. Don’t be impatient or we’ll make a 
mess of it. 

Frank ( sits right of table , facing her). Gee, if we 
could only get it and then dig for abroad! Part of it 
is in trust for you. He has no business to keep it in 
the house, anyway. But I’m glad he does. I’m sick of 
this burg. I know that a spirit—or a ghost, or what¬ 
ever you call it—can’t hurt you. All the same, it’s 
terrible. But I’ll stick it out till we find the money. No 
use trying to leave without it. We couldn’t get far. 

Sylvia. No, we couldn’t get far on the money we 
have. Yes, we shall have to go the limit now. We must 
have my money to get out of this country. {Pause.) 
Frank, I do try to be game, but oh, I’m sorry we started 
this. It will be terrible in the future. No matter where 
we are, to feel hunted; to be afraid, afraid, all the 
time; everywhere we go. 

Frank. Oh, cut the whining and be a regular fel¬ 
low. Why, it’s just fun to outwit these boobs. I can get 
away with it. I can think faster than they can. But I 
don’t like this ghost business. What the devil does it 
mean, anyway? 

Sylvia. I don’t know, Frank. Some people believe 
the dead can come back. 

Frank. Well, let them come. See if I care. 

Sylvia {rising nervously). You had better go back 
to the store now. 

Frank {rises and crosses to left door as he speaks). 
I came home to get my cigarette holder. I’ll be back to 
the store before I’m missed. {Exits quickly , left door.) 



16 


YIMMIE YONSON’S YOB 


Kittie enters from outside , running excitedly. 

Kittie (crosses down right of table to center , facing 
Sylvia as she speaks ). Oh, what do you think? A 
detective has come to solve the mystery. 

Sylvia ( frightened). Detective? What do you 
mean? What mystery? 

Kittie. Y r ep, came up from the station in the bus. 
( Expressing pleasure.) Sat right beside me. And he 
says he’s come up to find out about the ghost and the 
robbery. He’s gone down the field to talk to Mr. Kent. 

Sylvia (trying to conceal her alarm). Oh, don’t 
gabble so much. ( Exits quickly , left door.) 

Kittie. Gee, what’s the matter with her? 

Yimmie enters from kitchen , sees Kittie, crosses to 
right of table, hat in hand. 

Yimmie. Hollo. 

Kittie ( startled , turns toward him). Oooh! Where 
did you come from? 

Yimmie. Ay ban Yimmie Yonson. Ay come from 
Mannasota. You ban sweet girl, Ay tenk. You mak 
my heart yump yust like saxty. 

Kittie (laughs and leans back on the table , awfully 
pleased) . The idea. 

Yimmie. Ay tenk you ban purty fine, by ye. 
(Smiles.) Yot you tenk by me? 

Kittie (straightening up, speaks seriously). Did 
you see the ghost? 

Yimmie (with blank expression). Go-host? 

Kittie. Yep. Are you afraid of ghosts? 

Yimmie. Ay eat him for supper. Go-host ban foxy 
geezers. (Turns to right , then crosses up to outside 
door while speaking.) Ay ban go to see boss. (Puts 
hat on.) Ay look for yob. Ay get him, Ay bet you. 



YIMMIE YONSON’S YOB 


17 


(Turns at door.) Ay ban purty slick faller. ( Winks 
at her and exits outside.) 

Kittie (still at center , in front of table). Well, if 
he isn’t the last word. 

Sylvia and Frank enter quickly , left door , and 
exeunt outside. 

Belle enters left door , supporting Mrs. Kent, who 
walks feebly. They cross behind table to chair at right. 

Belle (speaking as they cross). Careful. There 
we are, mother dear. Sit down here. 

Mrs. Kent. I’m all right, dear. (Sits right.) 
That’s better. (Leans her head back on chair.) 

Kittie (starts eagerly toward Mrs. Kent). Oh, 
Mrs. Kent—. 

Belle (back of chair). Sh. (Shakes her head “no” 
to Kitty.) 

Mrs. Kent. Yes, my dear? 

Kittie (crosses quickly in front of table and up right , 
as she speaks). Lovely day. (Exits outside.) 

Mrs. Kent. Belle, is it the truth that the ghost of 
my boy is supposed to haunt this house? (Pause.) 
Don’t be afraid to tell me, dear. 

Belle (annoyed). Why, who told you that? 

Mrs. Kent. Sylvia. 

Belle. How thoughtless of her. 

Mrs. Kent. Is it true? 

Belle. So some folks say, dear. 

Mrs. Kent. I wish I could see him, if such things 
are. I’d not be afraid of my boy. 

Peg enters from kitchen. 

Peg. Oh, here ye are, darlin’. Come in and have 
a nice cup of tea. (Crosses to Mrs. Kent, helps her rise 
and leads her to kitchen door.) That’ll put the heart 



18 


YIMMIE YONSON’S YOB 


into ye. Sure, ye’re lookin’ fine today. But it’s a bit of 
tea ye want—and a nice bit of toast. 

Mrs. Kent. I think I should like it, Peg. 

Peg. Of course ye would. ( Exits mto kitchen with 
Mrs. Kent.) 

Sylvia enters from outside and starts to cross to 
left door. 

Belle ( quickly ): Sylvia. 

Sylvia ( stops , turns and says curtly). Well? 

Belle ( crossing to right of table). I must ask you 
again not to repeat to mother the silly gossip going 
the rounds about Bob’s ghost. l r ou know she isn’t 
strong. I wish you wouldn’t. 

Sylvia ( crossing to left of table). Is that so? Who 
do you think you are? Because my uncle took you from 
a poor farm and adopted you, don’t think you can dic¬ 
tate to me. 

Belle. I warn you. If you annoy and worry 
mother any more, I shall tell father. 

Sylvia ( crossing down to front of table, left). Try 
it ( smiles) and see what you gain. You may be able to 
wind aunty around your finger, but Uncle John is 
strong for me. You don’t stand one, two, three with 
him. 

Belle ( crossing down to front of table, right). Be¬ 
cause you have poisoned his mind against me and per¬ 
suaded him that you really love him. But {with spirit) 
I know you are a hypocrite, Sylvia. You have some axe 
to grind. I’ll find out what it is and expose you if 
you’re not careful. 

Sylvia {angrily). Oh, you will? Just try it, and 
I’ll have uncle turn you out, bag and baggage. You 
had better be careful—you charity child! 



19 


YIMMIE YONSON’S YOB 


Belle. I may have been a charity child, as you say, 
but I’m not a mischief-maker nor a hypocrite. 

Mr. Kent enters from outside, hangs hat on rack 
and stands by door. 

Sylvia (seeing Kent, quickly changes her tone). 
Why, Belle! How can you call me a mischief-maker? 
IVe tried so hard to make you like me. Don’t be jealous 
of my love for uncle. ( Pretends to have just seen 
Kent; rushes to him). Oh, uncle, I’m so unhappy! 
{Throws her arms around his neck.) Do what I will, I 
can’t make Belle like me. She is jealous of your love 
for me. But you are the only daddy I have. {Sobs.) 

Kent {patting her, lovingly). There, there. Don’t 
feel so badly. {Loudly and sternly, to Belle.) See 
here, Belle, if you don’t treat Sylvia better in the future, 
you and I will have some serious trouble. Keep your 
tongue between your teeth—understand? And don’t 
make this girl’s life miserable. Go and see what you 
can do to help Peg get supper. 

Belle {crosses up right of rocking chair to door 
right; stops and turns). Dad,*I— 

Kent {sternly). That will do. Mind me when I 
speak. 

(Kent turns his back toward Belle and embraces 
Sylvia protectingly. Sylvia smiles maliciously and 
makes a face at Belle over Kent’s shoulder. Belle 
hesitates, then exits to kitchen. Kent and Sylvia cross 
down right. Kent sits in rocking chair right.) 

Sylvia. I’m sorry, uncle dear. I hate to cause dis¬ 
sension. It makes me unhappy. But Belle is so spite¬ 
ful and unkind. She feels that I am in the way, I 
suppose. {Stands back of Kent, her arms around his 
neck.) 




20 


YIMMIE YONSON’S YOB 


Kent. I can’t make her out. She used to be so 
amiable. 

Sylvia. She’s jealous. But I’ll soon go. My sum¬ 
mer vacation will soon be over. Oh, how I shall miss 
you. ( Lays her head upon his.) 

Kent ( pats her hands). And I shall miss you, my 
dear. But don’t think of going away. 

Sylvia. Uncle, dear, I’ve made up my mind to marry 
Frank some day. 

Kent. Well, he’s a good boy. 

Sylvia {pouting). Yes, but he has no money. His 
salary is so small. 

Kent. If he is ambitious he will get more. There 
are always good positions for honest, ambitious young 
men. It w r on’t hurt him to have to work for it. Why, 
when mother and I were married I had less than Frank. 
But now—well—I’ve saved a little; a little. 

Sylvia. Oh, I wish I had a little now to enjoy, uncle. 
The money of mine you have in trust— 

Frank enters from outside , hangs hat on rack and 
crosses to hack of table. 

Frank. Hello, Sylvia. Has she told you, Mr. 
Kent? We are going to be married just as soon as I 
make enough to take care of her decently. {Half-sits 
on table , facing right , so side is toward audience.) 

Sylvia. I was telling uncle that we must wait. 
{Winks at Frank.) I’ll have to go back to office work 
until you save enough. {Crosses in front of table , sits 
in chair left of table.) Oh, dear. And Frank will have 
to leave this little town and look for a real position. 
But oh, I hate to leave my dear old uncle. 

Kent. Well, well, it’s better for you, my boy. 
{Rises.) Make a man of you to have to hustle. {Crosses 



YIMMIE YONSON’S YOB 


21 


up to right door , speaking as he goes.) Well, I must 
have a smoke. (Exits right door.) 

Yimmie enters quietly from outside and stands in 
doorway , unnoticed. 

Sylvia. Can you beat that! The old tight-wad. 

Frank ( crosses , sits in chair right of table). Just 
leave him to me, but watch. I’ll find out yet where he 
hides his money—leave it to me. (Sylvia turns her 
head quickly , sees Yimmie and rises. Frank rises 
quickly and turns to Yimmie.) Hello. 

Yimmie. Hollo. 

Frank (crosses quickly up stage back of table and 
faces Yimmie). How long have you been here? 

Yimmie. Ay ban har—’bout sax minutes. Ay vish 
Ay had some money, too. 

Frank {quickly). What do you mean? 

Yimmie. Life ban hard game. 

Sylvia. Oh, come on. He’s a bonehead. {Crosses 
to left door and goes up steps.) 

Frank {looking hard at Yimmie). I wonder if 
you’re as big a fool as you look. 

Yimmie. Ay tal you, Ay saw plenty vood. 

Frank. Well, be darn careful where you saw it, 
buddy. {Crosses up steps to Sylvia, looks at Yimmie.) 

Yimmie {smiles). What you tenk? 

(Frank and Sylvia exeunt left door.) 

Kittie enters right door . 

Kittie. Hello. 

Yimmie {crosses back of table). Hollo. 

Kittie {crossing to him). What did he say to you? 

Yimmie. He tenk Ay ban purty big yackass. 

Kittie, I don’t like him. If I was as big as you I’d 
punch him in the nose. {Doubling up her fist.) 



22 


YIMMIE YONSON’S YOB 


Yimmie. It ban big yob for me. Yee whiz, by yim- 
iny! ( Doubling up first). Ay get good smash on yaw, 

Ay bet you. ( Swings fist, imitating a blow on his 
face.) 

Kittie. I won’t like you if you’re a coward. ( Sits 
on arm of chair right.) 

Yimmie. Ay tenk you pretty fine girl. ( Moves 
toward her.) 

Kittie. You do not. You’re just fooling. I know. 

Yimmie. Ay an’t ban fooling you. ( Puts arm around 
her very gingerly, standing so far away he has to 
stretch arm to reach her.) You bat your life. 

Pal enters from outside and hangs hat on rack. 

Pal. Oh, excuse me, neighbors. My mistake. 
(Crosses to back of table.) If you say so, I’ll beat it. 
Don’t want to break up the party. 

Yimmie. Now Ay guess Ay’m goin’. ( Takes long 
strides to right door, smiles.) Yiminy! Ay ban old son- 
of-a-gun. ( Exits right door.) 

Kittie ( crosses and kneels on chair right of table). 
You’re awful fresh, ain’t you. 

Pal ( crosses down left of table, speaking briskly). 
Oh, say, kid, you gave me a jar. What’s the big idea? 
Just look me over before you do the lockstep for life 
with old Mannasota, by yiminy. Nix, kid. I don’t 
mean to get gay, see? ( Sits on table facing her.) But 
I can’t blame Yimmie, honest. Looked like a storm 
cornin’ up and the boss invited me to supper, so I blew 
in just like a loose brick. Honest, kid, I’m here on 
business. Get me? And I think you can help me. I 
don’t believe in this ghost idea, see? So I comes up on 
my own. ( Leans forward.) Sh! I’m a detective. This 
ghost business is the bunk. Ever see it ? 



YIMMIE YONSON’S YOB 


23 


Kittie (rises.) No, sirree. Gosh! I’d turn into 
ice and break all to pieces. But Micky saw it, honest 
to goodness—and' he wouldn’t lie. 

(Stage gradually darkens.) 

Pal (rises). This kid who croaked—jumped into 
the river—was accused of stealing a hundred dollars 
from his old man, wasn’t he? 

Kittie. Yep. But it was a lie. Mr. Bob never 
done it. Never! 

Pal (extends hand). Put her there, kid. (Kittie 
slaps her hand vigorously into his.) I believe you’re 
dam right. There’s a nigger in the woodpile somewhere, 
and I’m here to find him. I smell a large-sized rat. 
There must be a piece of cheese somewhere. I says to 
myself, “Pal, smell out the cheese and wait for the rat.” 
See? 

Kittie (laughs). Say, you talk like a phonograph. 
But I kinda like you, and if you need any help—I’m 
your little soldier. (Salutes.) 

Pal. All right, kid. (Takes out note book.) How 
many boarders has Mr. Kent got here? (Makes notes 
as Kittie talks.) 

Kittie. Boarders? Oh, only one, Frank Gunn. He 
works down to the grocery store. 

Pal (sits in chair left of table). How long has he 
been here? Belong in town? 

Kittie (kneels on chair right of table). Nope. Came 
here from the city, ’bout six months ago. He’s goin’ to 
marry Sylvia. He pretends to be awful goody, but I’m 
next to him, even if he thinks he’s so smart. Don’t like 
him a little bit. Then there’s the Swede. He just came 
today. Then there’s Micky. He’s worked here for three 
years. So has Peg. Then there’s stuck-up Miss Sylvia. 



24 


YIMMIE YONSON’S YOB 


Mr. Kent’s her uncle. But say, she’s the sneakin’ little 
cat. Then there’s Miss Belle. She’s awful nice. She 
ain’t a truly daughter. Mr. Kent ’dopted her when she 
was a little kid. Then there’s Mrs. Kent and me. I’ve 
only come here to work during vacation. 

Pal (rises). Well, you and I will do a little de¬ 
tecting, what do you say? Are you on? (Offers hand.) 

Kittie. You bet! (Kittie slaps }ier hand into his 9 
as before.) 

Pal (laughs). You’re all right, Kittie. 

Prank and Sylvia enter left door and look keenly 
at Kittie and Pal. Prank gets hat and exits outside. 

Kittie (crosses to switch button beside outside door). 
Supper’s ready. (Turns switch. Lights up full. 
Crosses down right.) 

Sylvia. I’m going out to supper, then to a movie. 
I’ll not be home till late. (Exits outside.) 

Kittie (crosses to Pal; wisely). That’s her. 

Pal. Her? 

Kittie. Meow! (Imitating cat.) 

Pal. I get you, kid. (Winks.) And the young 
chap with her? 

Kittie. S-p-t. (Spits like a cat.) 

Pal (laughs). Tabby and Thomas, eh? 

Kittie. Yep. 

Peg enters right door. 

Peg. Kittie, come in and wait on the table. 

Kittie (runs up stage). Peg, this is —(starts to in¬ 
troduce , then turns suddenly to Pal.) What’s your 
name? 

Pal. Just call me Pal, kid. 

Kittie. Pal, this is Peg. (Takes a step or two back 
out of Pal’s way.) 



YIMMIE YONSON’S YOB 


25 


Pal (crosses around table to right , opposite Peg). 
I’m glad to know you, Peg. My friends call me Pal, but 
my mother’s name was Bridget O’Hallahan. (Laughs.) 
I’m an E^talian on my father’s side. (Smiles, extends 
hand to Peg.) 

Peg (takes his hand). Go ’way with ye. Is the map 
of Ireland painted on me face? Yer supper is waitin’ 
fer ye. Kittie will show ye the way. 

Pal. Lead on, Kittie. I can smell corned beef and 
cabbage, and that’s where I shine. (Laughs. Kittie 
laughs and exits right.) Until we meet again—( play¬ 
fully , with low how) Peg o’ me heart! (Exits right.) 

Peg ( laughs , calls after him). Go ’way with ye. (Fans 
herself , crosses right , sits in rocker.) 

Micky enters right door. 

Micky (crossing to right of table). What’s that lad 
doin’ here? 

Peg. Mr. Kent says he’s a detective. He belaves 
there’s somethin’ phoney about the ghost that the pa¬ 
pers do be writin’ up. And I thought we were done with 
all that. 

Micky (sits right of table). Phoney is it? (Very 
solemmly.) Let him cast his lamps on it one night, 
when the moon is shining and the dogs howling, and 
he’ll beat it for the city again, belave me. 

Peg. And if it wasn’t for poor Mrs. Kent and Belle, 
belave me, that’s where I’d be makin’ tracks for. If I 
ever see it with me own eyes, I’m on me way, I’m tellin’ 
ye. But ye couldn’t get Mrs. Kent away. She says 
she wants to see her boy, God love her. 

(Faint thunder is heard.) 

Micky. Thunder. It’s goin’ to storm. 

Peg. That’s right. Me corns have been on the jump 
all day. (Fans herself.) Whew, ain’t it close. 



26 


YIMMIE YONSON’S YOB 


Mrs. Kent enters right door. Micky rises. 

Micky. Come and set down, Mrs. Kent. (As he 
speaks, crosses hack of chair he has vacated, indicating 
chair.) 

Peg (jumping up, stands right of rocker). Come 
and set here, darlin’. 

Mrs. Kent (crossing down right). Isn’t Sylvia go¬ 
ing to eat? And Frank? (Sits right.) 

Peg (crossing hack of rocker and table , calls off left). 
Miss Sylvia, yer supper’s ready. Mr. Frank! Miss 
Sylvia! (Pause.) I guess she’s gone out. The divil 
himself can’t keep track of that one. (Crosses down 
stage to left of table.) 

Mrs. Kent. Father says Svlvia and Frank will be 
married soon. 

Peg. Good riddance to them, I say. I’ll not be 
sorry to see the last of them. 

Mrs. Kent. You don’t like Sylvia. 

Peg. Not I. She’s too highfalutin’ for my pilbeany 
blood. 

Micky (crossing to outside door). Well, I’ll go see 
to the cattle. It’ll soon be pourin’ rain. < (Exits out¬ 
side.) 

Mrs. Kent. When will you and Micky be married, 
Peg? 

Peg. Married, is it? What for? Haven’t I enough 
to worry me now without bein’ bossed by a husband? 
Anyways, he’s more devoted to me now. If I married 
him, me courtin’ days would be over. Besides, We’ve 
only been engaged fer two years. 

Mrs. Kent. Micky’s a good fellow. 

Peg. Indade he is. Well, I’ll make the poor lad 
miserable by marryin’ him before long, maybe—If I 



YIMMIE YONSON’S YOB 


27 


don’t change me mind. I suppose I’ll put the Swede 
and the Eyet alian in the west bedroom tonight? 

Mrs. Kent. Yes. 

Peg ( crossing in front of table to right door). Well, 
I’ll go and see what’s goin’ on in the kitchen. Here’s 
Miss Belle now. 

Belle enters right door. 

Belle. Mother here? 

Peg. Yes. ( Exits right door.) 

Belle ( crosses to behind Mrs. Kent’s chair). I won¬ 
dered if you had gone upstairs. 

Mrs. Kent. No, it’s too early yet. The hours are 
long enough to be alone; the long, long nights, waiting 
for daylight. 

Belle ( fixes Mrs. Kent’s shawl around her). 
Aren’t you sleeping better now? 

Mrs. Kent. Not much better. 

(Thunder and lightning.) 

Belle. How can wc endure the long, empty years 
without him, dear? But we must be brave. 

Mrs. Kent. I can’t understand. It was so unlike 
Bob—- 

Yimmie enters right door , hat in hand. 

Yimmie. Hollo. 

Belle ( crosses down in front of table). Oh, hello. 
Come in and sit down. But first you must shake hands 
with my mother. 

Yimmie ( crosses to Mrs. Kent, holds out hand , 
smiles). Ay’m glad, Ay tal you. You ban sweet lady. 

Mrs. Kent. Thank you. Thank you. (Smiles.) 

Yimmie. You ban purty blue? 

Mrs. Kent. I miss my boy so much. I think of him 
all the time. 



28 


YIMMIE YONSON’S YOB 


Yimmie ( with emphasis). He ban tank of you , Ay 
bet. Ay tal you—he an’t never do no wrong! 

Mrs. Kent. No, no. I’m sure of that. I’m sure of 
that. 

Yimmie. You ban gude soldier, Ay tal you. ( Places 
his hands on his breast in helpless gesture.) Ay can’t 
talk wery val. Ay lak you. You ban happy yet—Ay 
bet you! (Shakes her hand warmly.) 

Belle. Thank you. ( Trying to change subject.) 
Did you have a good supper? 

Yimmie ( smiles broadly). You bet your life. Ay 
try stewed prune and Yohnny-cake. By yiminy, dey 
ban gude! 

(Belle laughs and crosses left.) 

Pal enters right door. 

Pal. Well, I feel better. Hello, Yimmie. 

Yimmie. Hollo. ( Crosses Up right around table to 
left.) 

Pal (comes back of table). Mrs. Kent, that was 
sure some supper. Real kind of you to keep me here 
for a few days. But I was born with a nose for news, 
and when I read about your case in the papers I formed 
my own opinion about it and I had a hunch to come up 
here. 

Belle (trying to stop him). Please. (Looks 
toward Mrs. Kent.) 

Pal. Huh? Oh, I get you. Dam careless, but 
that’s me. Mrs. Kent, if you don’t mind I’ll go to my 
room. t 

Belle. I’ll show you. What room, mother? 

Mrs. Kent. I’m sorry I can’t give you each a room. 
You will be obliged to share one room. 

Pal. Oh. that’s all O. K. with me. How about you, 
Yimmie ? 



YIMMIE YONSON’S YOB 


29 


Yimmie. Ay tenk ve get ’long togedder—a yackass 
faller ( points to Pal) and a foxy geezer ( indicates him¬ 
self), you bet your life. 

Pal {laughs). You’re all right, Yimmie. I’ll shout 
that from the housetops. 

Belle. Which room, mother? 

Mrs. Kent. The west room. 

Belle. All right. {Crosses to left door , waits till 
Pal joins her , then exits left.) 

Pal. Good night, Mrs. Kent. Happy dreams. 
{Crosses to left door , exits after Belle.) 

Mrs. Kent. Thank you. 

Yimmie {speaks as he crosses left and mounts steps , 
picking up his hag as he goes). Gude night. Ay skol 
pray if Ay can, for you ban happy. {Bows.) 

Mrs. Kent. You are Very kind, I’m sure. 

Yimmie. Ay ban yust a foolish chump. ( Smiles , 
exits left door.) 

Kent enters right door . 

Kent. All alone, mother? 

Mrs. Kent. Belle’s showing the boys their room. 

Kent {sitting right of table). What ails Belle 
lately ? 

Mrs. Kent. What do you mean? 

Kent {crossly). She is showing a very disagreeable 
attitude toward Sylvia. I want her to cut that out. 

Mrs. Kent. Why, that’s something new for Belle. 
She is always sweet and amiable. You must be mis¬ 
taken, John. 

Kent {angrily). I’m not mistaken. I heard her 
myself. She’s jealous, I suppose, because Sylvia is fond 
of me, and she wants to make it so unpleasant for her 
that she will leave. But this is Sylvia’s home as long 
as she wants it, and I want her treated right. 



30 


YIMMIE YONSON’S YOB 


Mrs. Kent. Why, of course. But I think it’s just 
the other way around. 

Kent. Oh, of cours'e; I expected that. You always 
stuck up for Belle. It was always you, and Belle, and 
Bobbie. 

Mrs. Kent. John, don’t be unjust. Belle loves you. 

Kent. She has a queer way of showing it. 

Mrs. Kent. Belle is proud. She feels your attitude. 
You’ll drive her away from us, too, and that would be 
the last straw. It’s your vanity, John. You want to 
be made of, and flattered, and Belle is too honest. 

Kent (sourly). You’ve got it all doped out, haven’t 
you. 

Mrs. Kent (quietly). I know you, John. I’ve flat¬ 
tered you for thirty years. 

Belle enters left door. 

Kent (rises angrily). Oh, that’s it! (Crosses up 
stage, hands in pockets.) Flattered me for thirty 
years! 

Mrs. Kent. You are too quick to judge, John. And 
you do not judge righteous judgment. 

Kent (indignantly). I know what you mean. You 
think I misjudged our boy. You blame me for his 
death—but blame yourself. You flattered and spoiled 
him. 

(Lightning flash, followed by thunder, louder than 
before.) 

Mrs. Kent (after pause). John. 

Belle (crossing to Kent quickly). Dear father, 
don’t. Don’t. Mother needs you so, now. 

Kent. That’s funny, when she has you. (Takes hat 
from rack, puts it on, exits quickly outside.) 

Mrs. Kent. Oh, what has come over him ‘ 



YIMMIE YONSON’S YOB 


31 


Belle (back of table). Don’t you know, dear? His 
poor heart is aching, but he’s too stubborn to give in. 
He’s fighting it out by himself. He’ll be all right. 

Mrs. Kent. Oh, dear, I’m so weary. (Rises, crosses 
left in front of table.) I think I will go to my room. 

Belle (crosses bach of table and meets Mrs. Kent 
left, puts arm around her, leads her to left door ). Come 
along, then, and I’ll read to you. Father will be back 
to kiss you good-night. (Both exeunt left door.) 

Peg enters right door, yawning. She crosses to chair 
right. 

Peg. Worra, worra, but this rainy weather makes 
you feel like the divil. (Sits.) 

Kittie enters right door, crosses quickly and sits 
on table, swinging her feet. 

Kittie. I don’t notice it. 

Peg. Oh, you don’t notice anything but the boys. 

Kittie. I do, too. But say, Peg—honest, hasn’t 
Pal the most wonderful— 

Peg. Eyes ? 

Kittie. No; nose! (Points at Peg and laughs.) 

Peg. Get down off that table. 

Kittie. Oh, don’t be a crab. 

Peg (indignantly) . A crab, is it? 

Kittie. Peg— 

Peg. What? 

Kittie. Isn't Pal awfully fascinating? 

Peg. What do I know about it? I didn’t notice him. 

Kittie. Isn’t he? ’Fess up, Peg. 

Peg. Well, I prefer the Swede. 

Kittie. You do? Why? 

Peg. Well, I think he has a better disposition for a 
husband. He’s that slow and easy and good-natured. 
He’s not so apt to throw fryin’ pans when he gits mad. 



32 


YIMMIE YONSON’S YOB 


Kittie. Why, no man would throw a frying-pan at 
a lady. 

Peg {solemnly). Wouldn’t he, though? Many’s the 
fryin’-pan I’ve dodged. 

Kittie ( surprised ). Husbands ? 

Peg. Get out of that! 

Kittie {laughs). In the funnies it’s always the wife 
who throws the rolling-pin. 

Peg. Well, I can shake a nasty rollin’-pin meself. 

(Kittie laughs , and stops suddenly when a dog 
is heard howling.) 

Kittie. Oh, Peg! 

Peg {straightens up in her chair). Sh! What was 
that? 

Kittie {frightened). What? {Slides off table.) 

Peg. Did ye hear a dog howl? 

Kittie {after pause). No. Why? Did you? 

Peg {after pause). I thought I heard one. 

{Lightning and thunder.) 

Kittie. Ooh! {Runs and falls to her knee's beside 
Peg, buries her face in Peg’s lap.) 

Peg {nervously). I wish Micky would come back. 
Indade I do that. 

Kittie {looking up). Why? Are you afraid? 

Peg. By garry, the goose-pimples is on me as big 
as ducks’ eggs. 

{Lightning and thunder.) 

Micky dashes in from outside , closes door quickly 
and leans back against it. He is breathing hard as if 
he has been running. Both girls jump up. 

Kittie. Micky! 

Peg. The Lord help us! Micky—what is it? 



YIMMIE YONSON’S YOB 


33 


Micky (recovering). Nothin’; runnin’ to get in out 
of the rain. 

Kittie ( clinging to Peg). Did you see it? 

Micky ( breathless ). What? 

Kittie. The ghost! 

Micky (solemnly). I did. 

Kittie. Ooh! I’m going to jump into bed, Peg, 
and hide my head under the clothes. Come on, so I can 
cuddle close to you. (Huddles close to Peg.) 

Peg. Go on. I’ll come in a minute. 

Kittie. Good-night. (Exits quickly, right door.) 

Peg. Micky! 

Micky (crossing to chair right of table, sits). Did 
ye hear the dog howl ? 

Peg (sits in chair right). I did. 

Micky. It was the same. 

Peg (tensely). Yes? 

Micky. I’d just finished me chores and was turnin’ 
out of the barn with Betsy by me side. All of a. sudden 
she stood still and trembled. Then she raised her head 
and gave one howl— (Stops.) Hark. D’ye hear her? 

* (Dog howls in distance.) 

Peg (after pause). I do. 

Micky. Me hair stood on end. With a rush Betsy 
was gone—and so was I, for I turned tail, circled the 
orchard and reached the house. I looked back, and in 
the lightning flash I seen him—Master Bob—with Betsy 
standin’ on her hind legs and her front paws on his 
chest. 

Peg (rises). I can’t stand it, Micky. 

Micky (rises). We can’t leave Mrs. Kent. 

Peg (crossing up to right door while speaking). 
Stand here and say a prayer fer me, Micky, while I 



34 


YIMMIE YONSON’S YOB 


climb into bed. I’m goin\ Good-night, Micky. (Exits 
right door.) 

Kent enters quickly from outside. 

Kent {sharply). Michael! 

Micky. Yis, sir. 

Kent. Everyone in bed? 

Micky. I think so, sir. 

Kent. Lock up and go to bed. 

Micky. Yis, sir. '{Exits right door.) 

Kent crosses to chair right, sinks wearily into it and 
dejectedly covers his face with his hands. After a short 
pause he rises, crosses and switches off light. Lights all 
out. He goes to cupboard, opens it, takes out candle 
and candlestick, crosses to table, lights candle, crosses 
to cupboard, opens door, stoops, passes into cupboard 
and closes door after him. Stage is now in perfect 
darkness. Pause long enough to count ten, then — 

Sylvia, outside, gives a blood-curdling scream. Pause. 
Lightning and thunder. Kent quickly emerges from 
cupboard, closes door and puts candle on table. Sylvia 
dashes frantically in from outside and sees Kent. \She 
is without her purse. 

Sylvia. Oh, uncle! {Rushes to Kent, throws arms 
around him.) Oh, uncle! {Sobs hysterically.) 

Kent {crossing right with her while she sobs). Sh. 
What is it? Tell me. 

Sylvia {at his right). Oh, oh! I saw—him! I saw 
him! {Hides her head on his breast.) 

Frank enters quickly from outside and stands against 
door, wiping perspiration from his face. 

Kent. Saw whom? 



YIMMIE YONSON’S YOB 


35 


Sylvia. Oh, it was Bobbie. I saw him. Frank saw 
him—and he followed me. Oh, Uncle John, he followed 
me. And I ran—Iran! ( Hysterically.) 

Kent. You are unstrung. These silly tales have 
made you think— 

Sylvia. No, no! (Straightens up and faces win¬ 
dow. Lightning and thunder. Bob's face appears in 
profile at window in the flashes of lightning. It is 
ghastly white and gazes straight ahead , right. She 
screams in terror and points at window.) Look, look! 
(Crouches back extreme right , in terror.) 

Kent (quickly facing window , cries out). My boy! 
My boy! 


Curtain 



YIMMIE YONSON’S YOB 


The Second Act. 

Scene: Same as The First Act; a few minutes 
later . Stage lights up. 

At Rise, Sylvia is in chair right, half-fainting. Kent 
is leaning over her, patting her hands. Frank sits left , 
nervously smoking a cigarette. 

Micky enters right. He has his trousers pulled on 
over his nightgown and is in carpet slippers, showing 
that he has jumped out of bed in a hurry. 

Micky. Did ye call, sir ? 

Kent. Yes. Call Peg. Sylvia has fainted. 

Micky. Yes, sir. (Exits quickly, right.) 

Belle enters quickly, left. She wears a kimono , bed¬ 
room slippers and lace boudoir cap. 

Belle. Dad—what is it? Is Sylvia ill? I heard a 
scream, and then you called. (Crosses back of table, 
takes Sylvia’s hand and pats it.) . 

Kent. Yes, yes. She’s had a fright; thought she 
saw—him. (Crosses to right of table.) 

Peg enters right, in loud wrapper, night-cap, big 
slippers, comedy make-up. 

Peg. What is it? {Excited.) Is she hurt? (Crosses 
to right of Sylvia.) 

Belle. She has fainted. Get some water, Peg. 
We’ll bathe her head. 

(Peg exits quickly, right.) 

Mrs. Kent enters left, unseen by Kent. Sha wears 
cap, wrapper and slippers. 

36 



YIMMIE YONSON’S YOB 


37 


Kent ( nervously , to Belle). You had better go to 
mother. Don’t let her come down here. 

Mrs. Kent. I’m here, John. 

Kent (going to her). Go back to jour room, 
mother. 

Mrs. Kent. What is the matter with Sylvia? 

Belle. She’s all right, dear. Just a little fainting 
spell. 

Kent. Go back to your room, mother. 

Mrs. Kent. No, no ! Who screamed, John? Some¬ 
thing has happened. Don’t try to hide it from me. Is 
Sylvia ill? Tell me. Has she seen my boy? Have you 
s'een him? Oh, John, tell me. 

Kent. Yes, she thought she saw him. 

Mrs. Kent. Why can’t I see him ? My boy! I 
want to see him. Bobbie, Bobbie, come to me, come to 
me. (Weeps.) 

Kent. Mother—don’t. (Puts arm around her.) 

Don’t. Control yourself. 

Mrs. Kent (sobbing on his shoulder). Oh, John, 
John. What shall I do? 

Pal enters left , in bathrobe and slippers. 

Pal. Something wrong? (Crosses down left , sees 
Sylvia. ) Am I butting in ? I heard the scream. Any¬ 
thing I can do? 

Peg enters right with handkerchief and basin of water. 

Peg. By garry, me teeth are so cold me tongue has 
the ague. ( Mysteriously .) Was it the—the—bye? 

Belle. Sh! (Nods.) Yes. (Crosses quickly to 
Mrs. Kent and puts arms around her.) Mother, dear, 
please don’t. Be brave. 

Kittie, off right, screams. All start. Kittie runs in , 
frightened , crosses and sits huddled up in chair right 




38 


YIMMIE YONSON’S YOB 


of table. She wears canton flannel nightgown and slip¬ 
pers. 

Kittle. Oh—oh—Peg! I couldn’t stay in bed with¬ 
out you. Oh, gee! Is she dead? 

Kent. Be quiet. Go back to your room. 

Kittie. Nothing doing. I wouldn’t go back there 
alone for—for a million dollars. Ooh, boy , I’m cold. 
(Tucks her feet under her.) 

Micky, fully dressed , enters right. 

Micky. Shall I go for the doctor? 

Belle. She’s coming to. 

Sylvia. Oh—( Opens eyes , speaks faintly.) Uncle— 
uncle—( Looks at Peg and Belle.) I want my uncle; 
my uncle. 

Kent ( crossing to her). Here I am. 

(Belle crosses to Mrs. Kent.) 

Sylvia. Has—has he—gone? (Kent nods his head 
“yes” and pats her hand soothingly.) Oh, Uncle John, 
why did he follow me? I haven’t done anything— 
honestly I haven’t. (Sobs.) 

Kent (smoothing her hair). Sh. Sh. 

Pal (crossing to Frank). Were you here? What 
happened? Did she see something? Eh? (Frank 
shrugs his shoulders.) 

Belle. Come on, mother. Let’s go back to your 
room. 

Mrs. Kent. No, no. I don’t want to go back there, 
Belle. I want to see my boy. 

Belle. Please, dear. Calm yourself, or you will be 
ill. 

Yimmie enters left , sleepily. He looks hurriedly 
dressed , and wears a nightcap. 



YIMMIE YQNSON’S YOB 


39 


Yimmie. It ban morning? Time to go vork? It 
ain’t ban daylight yet. 

Pal. Gee, that guy sleeps sound. ( Imitates snor¬ 
ing, then laughs.) It’s still today, Yimmie. How <jid 
you happen to wake up? 

Yimmie. Ay fall out of bunk. 

Pal {laughs). False alarm, Yimmie. 

Kittie. Did you hurt yourself when you fell out of 
bed? 

Yimmie. Ay no hurt. Ay ban tough lumber-yack. 
Ay ban used to dese gude hard raps. Ban breakfast 
ready? Ay got gude day vork, Ay tal you. 

Pal. Can you beat it? Go back to bed, Yimmie. 
It’s all a joke. 

Yimmie {comes down steps and stands up left as he 
speaks). Yoke? Ay skol vork like saxty. Ay ban no 
yoke. 

Kent. Go back to bed, folks. I’m going out. {Exits 
outside.) 

Mrs. Kent. John! 

Belle. Come, honey. {Leads her left.) I’ll be 
right back, Peg. Come, dear. You can lie down, and 
I’ll bathe your head. If you want me, call me, Peg. 
{Exits left , with Mrs. Kent.) 

(Pal crosses to Yimmie and talks to him in pan¬ 
tomime.) 

Peg. All right, me dear. Kittie, go get something 
on, you shameless hussy. 

Kitty. Now, Peg, I’ll not go back to bed without 
you. Everybody knows everybody wears nightgowns. 

Sylvia. I’d like a cup of tea, Peg. 

Peg. Well, if ye weren’t falin’ so badly I’d say get 
it yourself. Come on, Micky. (Micky crosses to right 
door , then hesitates.) Go on. What ye waitin’ for? 



YIMMIE YONSON’S YOB 


40 ' 


Micky. Ladies first. 

Peg ( emphatically ). Not this evenin’. 

(Micky laughs and exits right, followed by Peg, also 
I laughing.) 

Pal ( crossing to outside door). Come on, Yimmie, 
the storm’s over. Let’s go out and smoke. I’m too 
wide awake to go to sleep now. 

Yimmie ( joining him). By yiminy, Ay an’t care vot 
you do. Ay skol vorry. 

Pal ( stepping out of door). Come on, then. 

Yimmie. Ay ban April fool, Ay tenk. ( Exits out¬ 
side.) 

Pal. You’re all right, Yimmie. ( Exits outside.) 

Kittie (to Sylvia). Did you see it? 

Sylvia. Oh, shut up. 

Kittie. My, but you’re polite. 

Sylvia. You’d better go back to bed or put some¬ 
thing on. 

Kittie (angrily). Y r ou’d better mind your own busi¬ 
ness. Never did like you, anyway. (Rises and crosses 
right.) I hope you meet the ghost everywhere you go 
and you get scared purple. (Makes a face at Sylvia 
and exits right.) 

Sylvia (rises excitedly , crosses and sits in chair right 
of table). Frank; I’ve lost my purse. 

Frank. Lost your purse? 

Sylvia. Yes; lost my purse. 

Frank (rises). When? (Crosses and sits in chair 
left of table.) 

Sylvia. I don’t exactly know when I dropped it, 
but it must have been when I ran. Oh, we must get 
away from this place. I’m afraid. I love you, Frank. 
We can manage without the old money. Let’s quit. I 
want to go. 




YIMMIE YONSON’S YOB 


41 


v ' 


Frank. I’ll not quit. I’m no woman. I’m not go¬ 
ing to let—( hesitates) —anything change my plans. 
This ghost business isn’t going to get me worried. It 
can’t hurt you. What’s there to be afraid of? I think 
it was only your imagination, anyway. 

Sylvia. Oh, Frank, I saw it at the window—I saw 
it. 

Frank ( rises angrily , crosses to extreme left , then 
hack to chair left of table , while speaking). Well, if 
you’re afraid, beat it. Why not try to find the money 
tonight? I believe it’s hidden right here in this room. 
This is where he stays up every night, and I’ve seen him 
sitting at this table counting it. First he turns the 
light out and lights a candle. Then he disappears—or 
seems to disappear—into that closet or cupboard. The 
place is full of rubbish. I’ve examined it pretty thor¬ 
oughly but I’m going to look again. I’m sure it’s there 
somewhere. 

Sylvia. Pull down that shade, Frank. I’m so ner¬ 
vous. 

Frank ( crosses to window , pulls down shade and re¬ 
turns to table). You’ve got to buck up. 

Sylvia. But my purse, Frank. 

Frank. Anything much in it? ( She nods her head 
“yes.”) How much? 

Sylvia. I’m afraid to tell you. 

Frank. Afraid to tell me ? Why ? 

Sylvia ( tensely). Oh, go out and see if you can find 
it, won’t you? 

Frank. 4 Now? 

Sylvia. Yes. 

Frank. I can’t find it in the dark. 

Sylvia ( pleadingly ). Try! Won’t you, Frank? 

Frank. How much was in it ? 



42 


YIMMIE YONSON’S YOB 


Sylvia. A hundred dollars. 

Frank {in alarm). What! The hundred dollars? 

Sylvia. Yes. 

Frank {disgusted). Why, you little fool! 

Sylvia. I didn’t *want to leave it in the house. I 
always carry it with me. Oh, why didn’t we take it and 
get away from here? Now it’s gone and we haven’t a 
cent. And if anyone else finds it— 

Frank. Well, they couldn’t prove anything. They 
couldn’t swear it was the same bill. 

Sylvia. But Frank—it w T as in the same envelope 
you handed to me in the store. Remember? And you 
wrote on it: “Hide this. Frank.” 

Frank {angrily). You never destroyed it? My 
note? What a ninny ! 

Sylvia. I never thought— 

Frank. Well, we’re in a pretty pickle! You’d bet¬ 
ter use extra soft soap w T ith the old man, for if this 
comes out we are going to be in a mighty tight place. 

Sylvia. Let’s go away tonight. 

Frank. How far would we get without money? 

Sylvia {frantically) . Oh, go out and look for my 
purse, Frank. You may find it. Hurry! 

Frank. Well, I’ll try. {Crosses to outside door.) 
Better look in your room. Maybe you didn’t take your 
purse with you when we went out. 

Sylvia {rises and crosses left). All right, I’ll look, 
but it’s useless. I’nl sure I took it. 

(Frank gets hat from rack and exits quickly outside.) 

Peg enters right , with cup of tea. 

Peg. Here’s your tea. 

Sylvia. I don’t want it. {Exits left.) 

Peg {crossing to front of table , amazed). Well, 
I’ll be doggoned! 



YIMMIE YONSON’S YOB 


43 


Kittie enters right. She has put a wrapper on. 

Kittie. What’s the matter? 

Peg (as she speaks , crosses to right and sits). Mat¬ 
ter, is it? Kittie, I’m so mad I could— (Seems to choke 
with anger , starts over.) That one gets my goat. 

Kittie (crosses and sits on table as she speaks). 
Sylvia? Oh, don’t let her upset you, Peg. I just told 
her what I thought of her. Give me the tea. I’ll drink 
it. 

Peg. You will not. I’ll drink it meself. (Drinks.) 
Why, the little rabbit! After orderin’ the tea like a 
queen, thin: “I don’t want it!” (Burlesque tone of 
disdain , imitating Sylvia.) 

Belle enters left. 

Belle. Hello, Peg. Up yet? 

Peg. Will ye have a nice hot cup of tea, darlin’? 

Belle. No thanks, Peg. (Sits right of table.) 
Mother is all comfy, and I can’t sleep now. 

Kittie. Is she asleep? 

Belle. No, poor dear, she can’t sleep. 

Kittie (slides off table). I’ll go up and stay with her 
a while, shall I? 

Belle. Yes, I think she’d be glad to have you. I’m 
pretty glum company. 

Kittie. All right, I’ll go up. (Exits left.) 

Belle. Isn’t it awful, Peg? 

Peg. Awful? If it wasn’t for you and Mrs. Kent, 
by garry, I’d beat it so fast you couldn’t see me fer 
the dust I’d be raisin’. 

Belle. Oh, don’t desert us, Peg. Oh, my poor 
Bobbie! Strange Eve never seen him. You’d think he’d 
come back to me. But Peg, I can’t take it seriously. 
It’s strange, but I don’t believe in ghosts and spirits. 
But it’s weird, isn’t it? 



44 


YIMMIE YONSON’S YOB 


Peg. Well, by garry, I don’t want to see it. I can 
belave without seein’. What Micky says is enough. I’ll 
take his word. 

Belle. Something has frightened Sylvia mightily. 
I wonder— 

Peg. Why, she saw the hant. I can fergive it if it 
will only frighten her to death. The stuck-up piece of 
impudence! 

Belle. Peg, where’s Micky—and the rest? 

Peg. Micky’s havin’ some tea in the Jritchen. Mr. 
Kent and the others is still out. 

Belle. I’m glad the storm is over, aren’t you? 

Peg. Glad, is it? If I had to bear with much more 
of that thunder and lightnin’—and the drippin’ of the 
rain—and the dog a-howlin’—I’d be a jibberin’ idjut. 
At this minute, I’m tellin’ ye, Belle, I’ve no more back¬ 
bone than a caterpillar. By garry, it’s not surprised 
I’d be if me hair was turnin’ white. Is it? 

Belle ( laughs ). No, Peg, it’s got the same old 
fire in it. 

Peg. Fire, is it? Well, I wish it would spread over 
me body. I’m cold as a dead clam. 

Pal enters from outside . 

Pal. Up yet ? 

Peg. Divil a bit of sleep will there be in this house 
tonight, I’m thinkin’. 

Pal ( crosses to left back of table while speaking ). 
Oh, I don’t know. I’ll soon be coaxing the feathers, all 
right all right. 

Peg. Feathers, is it, in August? 

Pal (laughs). Gee, that’s right. I guess I’ll have 
to cuddle the hay instead, eh? 



YIMMIE YONSON’S YOB 


45 


Peg. Suit yourself. Well, I’m goin’ to have another 
cup of tea. Won’t you have one, darlin’P ( Starts for 
kitchen .) 

Belle. No thanks, Peg. 

(Pal crosses to left of table and sits on table. Peg 
exits right.) 

Pal. Awfully excited, everyone, eh? 

Belle. Yes, I should say so. 

Pal. How do you feel about it? 

Belle. I ? 

Pal. Have you seen the ghost? 

Belle. No. 

Pal. Do you believe in it? 

Belle. I can’t understand it. But—I’m not afraid. 
As his mother says, I’d like to see him. 

Pal. You would? Let me tell you what I saw. 
(Leans over and whispers to her.) 

Belle ( listens , then jumps up in fright, backing 
slightly to the right). No, no! You’re not telling the 
truth. Oh, please don’t—don’t deceive me. Don’t 
joke! 

Sylvia enters leftmand stands on steps , listening. 

Pal. I swear it. It’s the truth. Listen—( Crosses 
to Belle.) Believe me, dear girl—( Takes her hands , 
pulls her to him and whispers.) 

Belle. Oh, oh! It can’t be. ( Staggers , as if 
about to faint.) 

Pal ( catches her). Brace up, little girl. But it’s 
true. I swear it. ( Supports her in his arms.) Y~ou 
must brace up. You’ve got to go through with it— 

Sylvia ( comes center , back of table). Excuse me. 
I hope I’m not intruding? 

Pal. Not at all. Go as far as you like. The lady 
is— a little faint. ( Leads Belle to chair \ight.) 



YIMMIE YONSON’S YOB 


46 


Sylvia. So I see; needs support. 

(Belle. sinks into chair right and covers her face.) 

Pal (crosses in front of table and up left). You’re 
mighty fond of her, aren’t you? Yes, I can see that. 
Well, I think I’ll turn in. Don’t lose too much of your 
beauty sleep, ladies. Good morning. ( Exits left.) 

Sylvia (to Belle). Well (sarcastically) , it doesn’t 
take you long. You’re a fast worker ✓ 

(Belle jumps up and runs out f right.) 

Frank enters from outside , hangs his hat on rack and 
comes down right. 

Sylvia (anxiously turns to him). Well? 

Frank. I haven’t found it. 

Sylvia. I’ll wait up and look as soon as it’s day¬ 
light. We must get it. 

Frank. Did you look in your room? 

Sylvia (sits left of table). Yes. It’s not there. 
But Frank, I found something else. (Looks around 
carefully.) Look! (Holds up small square silk bag on 
ribbon.) I found this in the hall, just outside of Belle’s 
door. 

Frank (sits right of table). What is it? 

Sylvia. Look and see. 

Frank (takes from bag a letter , folded small , and a 
tissue paper package which he unwraps and finds inside 
of it a ring). A wedding ring. Whose? 

Sylvia (gleefully). Read the note. 

Frank (reads aloud). “My darling Belle: The 
three days we spent in Dover were the happiest of my 
life. We will keep the secret a little longer, my own. 
Yours always.” Secretly married, eh? 

Sylvia. Must be. And I’ve found out to whom. 

Frank. You have? Who is it? 




YIMMIE YONSON’S YOB 


47 


Sylvia. To that stranger who came today; that 
detective. 

Frank (starts). What! The guy they call Pal? 

Sylvia. Yes. When I came in a little while ago I 
found her in his arms. I’ve always told you I thought 
she suspected us, and she would have told uncle long ago 
if she had dared and I hadn’t succeeded in pulling the 
wool over his eyes. 

Frank ( frightened ). That fellow has been watch¬ 
ing me pretty closely. She sent for him to come here 
and snoop around, I’ll bet my life. 

Sylvia. Well, that little secret will keep her mouth 
shut about us. Give it to me. ( Holds out hand for 
hag.) 

Frank. I’ll just take care of this. You’re too 
careless. ( Puts it in his pocket.) 

Sylvia ( triumphantly ). I guess when I tell uncle 
the news Miss Belle will be on her way. Uncle will be 
furious to think she has deceived him and brought the 
man here. Just wait. We’ll soon be rid of them both. 
Leave it to me. 

Frank ( nervously ). Well, that’s something. But we 
can’t delay much longer. Something’s liable to happen. 

Belle ( off right). All right, Peg. 

Frank. Here comes Belle now. (Rises.) Are you 
going to tell her? 

Sylvia. I’m going to tell her that I know. 

Frank (crossing left quickly in front of table). 
That won’t do any harm. (Exits left.) 

Belle enters right and starts to cross to left door 9 
back of table. 

Sylvia (confronts her by going to left around table). 
Congratulations. 

Belle ( after pause). What do you mean? 



48 


YIMMIE YONSON’S YOB 


Sylvia ( sarcastically ). Unkind of you to keep the 
news from your friends for so long. 

Belle. I don’t understand. 

Sylvia ( tauntingly ). I’m afraid uncle will be very 
angry when he finds out. 

Belle {with dignity) . Please explain yourself. 

Sylvia. Is it necessary? 

Belle {crossing down right to right of table). I 
think so. Of what are you speaking? 

Sylvia {crossing down left to front of table). Why, 
of Dover; of your marriage, of course. 

Belle. My—marriage? {Expresses fear.) 

Sylvia. Yes. 

Belle. I don’t—know—what you are talking 
about. 

Sylvia. Oh, yes you do. The little bag—the love 
note—the wedding ring. (Belle quickly clutches the 
front of her dress , feeling for bag. Sylvia smiles.) 
Oh, it’s safe. I have it. 

Belle {anxiously). Give it to me, please. 

Sylvia {laughs). I think I’ll keep it. It might in¬ 
terest uncle. 

Belle {pleadingly). Sylvia, please—don’t do that. 
Don’t give it to dad! 

Sylvia. Why not? 

Belle. I don’t want anyone to know—yet. It 
would only cause unhappiness. 

Sylvia. To you, no doubt. All the same I shall 
show it to uncle. 

Belle {warmngly). If you do, Sylvia—you will be 
sorry. 

Sylvia {in anger). Are you threatening me? 



YIMMIE YONSON’S YOB 


49 


Belle. I’m trying to appeal to your better nature. 
I know you will regret it if you allow yourself to do this 
unkind, spiteful thing, Sylvia. 

Sylvia. I am still convinced that uncle ought to 
know. ( Leans back on table.) 

Belle (pleadingly) . Please, Sylvia; don’t. 

Sylvia. Oh, yes, I shall. 

Be’lle ( after irresolute pause). All right. (Exits 
quickly , left.) 

Frank enters left after a moment . 

Frank ( crossing back of table to center as he 
speaks ). Well, what did she say? Deny it? 

Belle (crossing left while speaking). No. Begged 
me not to tell. 

Frank 4 . I guess you’ve got the goods on her, all 
right. 

Sylvia. I surely have. 

Kent enters from outside , and hangs hat on rack . 

Kent. Well, children, why aren’t you in bed? 

Frank. I’m too wide awake just now. I’ll turn in 
after I’ve had a smoke. (Crosses up toward outside 
door.) 

Kent (crossing down right to table). Where are 
the other boys? 

Frank. Guess they’re still outdoors. 

Kent (sitting in chair right of table). Go to bed, 
Sylvia. (Lights pipe.) 

Sylvia. In a little while. Uncle, I want to talk to 
you for a few minutes first. 

Frank (getting hat from rack). I’ll not be gone 
long. (Exits outside.) 

Sylvia. Uncle, dear, I’m sorry I was not braver. 
(Pause.) Did—did—you see him? (Sits left of 
t able.) 



50 


YIMMIE YONSON’S YOB 


Kent. Yes, yes, but I don’t want to hear anything 
more about it. I’m beginning to be as nervous as any 
of you. I never believed in such things. # 

Sylvia. I want to tell you something, uncle, and 
yet—I’m afraid. Perhaps I had better not. ( Rises 
hesitatingly .) 

Kent ( impatiently ). Now what’s w r rong? Speak 
out. I’ve had enough trouble in the past month to get 
used to it. (Smokes furiously.) 

Sylvia (hesitatingly). I don’t like to tell you— 
but it seems you ought to know—and I can’t bear to 
see you deceived. It isn’t right that you should be im¬ 
posed upon. And yet— (Sits left of table.) • m 

Kent. For heaven’s sake, out with it! Trust a 
woman to drag a story out. 

Sylvia. It’s about Belle. 

Kent. Again? You don’t like her, do you, Sylvia? 

Sylvia. I try to. But when I see how she goes on— 
how she treats you, whom she ought to love dearly—I 
just can’t stand it, that’s all. 

Kent. Well, what has she done now? 

Sylvia. Promise me you will be calm, dear. I sup¬ 
pose I ought to keep it to myself—but I just can’t. 

Kent (losing control , speaks loudly). Calm! Calm! 
I’ll have hysterics if you don’t speak out and be done 
with it. 

Sylvia. You’re all unstrung. I think I’ll wait. 
(Rises.) If I weren’t sure it was true I’d never mention 
it, but— 

Kent (angrily). Tell me at once (rises), or go to 
bed—and leave me in peace. (Crosses slightly right.) 

Sylvia. Uncle John, Belle is secretly married— 

Kent (turns quickly). What’s that? Married? 
When? Who? 



51 


YIMMIE YONSON’S YOB 


Sylvia. I don’t know when, exactly, but she’s mar¬ 
ried to that detective fellow who came here today, and— 

Kent ( comes back to right of table). How do you 
know this? 

Sylvia. I found a little bag belonging to her. I 
didn’t know it was hers until I opened it and found the 
wedding ring and a note inside. 

Kent. Where is it? Let me see it. 

Sylvia. Oh, I forgot. Frank has it. 

Kent. How do you know this stranger is the man ? 

Sylvia. I came down stairs a little while ago and 
found her in his arms. 

Kent {angrily). What! {Sinks into chair right of 
table.) 

Sylvia {sits left of table). When I accused her she 
didn’t deny it. You remember, last May she went up 
to Dover and stayed three days. Well, that must have 
been when it happened. 

Yimmie enters quietly from outside and stands listening , 
without removing his hat. 

Kent. And she dared deceive me—dared bring this 
man here to meddle in my affairs. A detective, eh? 
{Rises.) How do I know she’s married? Where is the 
man? Where’s Frank? You say he has the ring and 
letter you found ? Where’s Belle ? 

Sylvia. Gone to bed. Wait until morning, uncle. 

Peg, enters right and stops in surprise. 

Kent {crossing up right a little). I’ll not wait. 
Tell Belle I want her, and {angrily) fhat man, too. 
She’ll get out of my house tonight. 

Peg. Now what the divil is it? 

Kent. What is it? Oh, nothing; nothing at all. 
{Angrily.) But the girl that I’ve raised as my own, 




52 


YIMMIE YONSON’S YOB 


the girl I’ve educated and loved as one of my own, the 
serpent has turned on me— 

Peg. Is it Miss Belle ye’re talkin’ of? 

Kent. It is. And between you and mother, you’ve 
made her think she could do no wrong. 

Peg. Who says it’s wrong she’s done? Is it that 
two-faced little crocodile? 

Kent {loudly). That will do, Peg. 

Peg. By garry, it will not do. I’ve stood enough 
from that one. And if she’s been carryin’ lying tales 
about Miss Belle, let her prove them or kape her mouth 
shut. 

Sylvia {angrily). I can prove what I say. 

Peg. Is that so? Well, I wouldn’t belave it even 
if ye did prove it. Miss Belle is a sweet, honest young 
lady, and that’s more than can be said of some I know. 

Kent {sternly). Belle is secretly married, and the 
man is here in this house. 

Peg {aghast). Oh, Judas priest! Is it losin’ yer 
senses ye are? 

Kent {gets hat from rack). Well, we’ll see. Go 
and tell Belle to come here; and that detective fellow', 
too. We’ll soon have it over with. {Exits quickly 
outside.) 

Peg {crossing to Sylvia). By garry, if you’ve lied 
ye’ll not get off scot-free, if I have to take and throttle 
ye with me two hands. {Crosses to left door , turns , 
speaks emphatically.) Do ye moind that, now ! {Exits 
left.) 

Yimmie {comes down quietly , right of table). Ay 
ban tenk vun lady lose a pocketbook? {Holds up 
purse , which up to now he has held back of him.} 

Sylvia ( quickly , joyously). Oh, give it to me! 
{Reaches for it.) 



YIMMIE YONSON’S YOB 


53 


Yimmie (pulls it away , crossing down right a little). 
Notting doing. After vhile. Ay don’t know— 

Sylvia. It is my purse. Give it to me. 

Yimmie. Dar ban a scrap with old man? 

Sylvia. None of your business, you dumbhead. 

Yimmie. Two heads ban more sum vun. Ay not ban 
asleep at svitch, Ay tal you. 

Sylvia ( commandingly ). Give me my purse! 

Yimmie (softly). After vhile. Yee-rusalem! Ay 
bet soon you skol got gude chill. (Smiles.) 

' Sylvia. What do you mean? 

Yimmie. You mak sveet girl Belle feel purty bum, 
Ay tal you. 

Sylvia (angrily). Will you give me my purse? 

Yimmie. Ay ban tenk about it. 

Sylvia Give it to me at once or I’ll tell my uncle. 

Yimmie (going a little nearer her). Ay tal him. Ay 
give ol’ man hunderd dollars and Ay give him some 
writing. (Smiles.) Ay ban smart old son-of-a-gun. 

Sylvia. Don’t you dare tell him! 

Yimmie (with slow emphasis). Ay vill, yust so soon 
he gat har—Ay bet you. Ay ban purty slick. (Crosses 
right a little.) 

Sylvia (realizing she must change her tactics). 
Yimmie (crosses to him , assuming coaxing manner ), 
please give me my purse. I like you. You’re a good 
fellow (puts her arm through his), Yimmie. (Smiles 
up at him.) 

Yimmie (pleased). You lak to play in my yard? 
(Smiles.) 

Sylvia (smiling sweetly). Of course. 

Yimmie (swings hack and forth bashfully). You 
tenk Ay ban yackass, ay bet you. 



54 


YIMMIE YONSON’S YOB 


Sylvia (sweetly). I should say not. (Sways with 
him.) I like you, Yimmie. 

Yimmie. By Yudas, you ban purty nice girl. 

Sylvia. Do } r ou think so? (Smiles.) 

Yimmie. Ay bet you. 

Sylvia. Give me my purse, Yimmie. (Smiles sweetly 
and reaches for purse.) 

Yimmie (putting purse hejiind him). You give me 
gude snub ’bout tomorrow, Ay bet you. 

Sylvia. No, sirree. Come on, Yimmie, give me my 
purse. (Reaches for it.) Please don’t tease me any 
longer. Give it to me, won’t you, Yimmie? (Coax- 
ingly.) 

Yimmie (flattered) . By yiminy, Ay ban proud son- 
of-a-gun. Ay tenk Ay getting svelled head. 

Sylvia (impatiently). Will you give me my purse? 
(Talcing a step away from him.) 

Yimmie (decidedly) . Ay tenk Ay von’t. (Smiles.) 
Dat Belle girl ban sveet lady, too. She make my heart 
to yump. Ay tenk she ban a qveen. Ay lak her some 
better as you. 

Sylvia (spitefully). Well, she’s married. You’d 
better let her alone. 

Yimmie. Married? She han’t have no vedding ring. 
(Pointedly.) 

Sylvia. Give me my purse, Yimmie. 

Yimmie. Ay give you purse, you give Miss Belle 
her vedding ring. 

Sylvia (startled). What do you mean? 

Yimmie. Ay ban slick son-of-a-gun. You give little 
bag to Miss Belle, Ay give you purse, by yee. 

Sylvia. You’re a meddlesome Swede, and you’ll get 
yourself into trouble if you’re not careful. 

Yimmie (smiling). By yiminy, dat ban bad. 



YIMMIE YONSON’S YOB 


55 


Sylvia {in fury). Oh, I could slap your face. 

Yimmie. Speak yentle; speak yentle. You giving 
me little bag, Ay giving you purse. Den ve ban having 
fight no more. 

Sylvia. No, I will not give it to you. I haven’t got 
it, anyway. 

Yimmie. All right. {Turns away and starts up 
right.) 

Sylvia. Wait. Give me the purse, Yimmie, and I’ll 
get the little bag for you—later. 

Yimmie {crossing to back of table). You tenk Ay 
ban foolish? Ay tal you—you skol go to old man and 
you skol tal him you ban tailing one big lie. 

Sylvia. Tell my uncle I lied? 

Yimmie. Yah. You skol tal him you ban sorry you 
lie ’bout Miss Belle ban married. 

Sylvia {amazed). Tell my uncle that—that I lied? 
Never! 

Yimmie {louder and forcefully) . Wery well. Ay 
tal him you lie, you bet your life. {Hits table.) Ay 
give him purse. {Hits table.) Ay give him hundred 
dollars. {Hits table.) Ay give him writing— {Waits 
for her to speak.) Well, dis ban all. {Crosses up 
right.) 

Sylvia {in despair). Yimmie— 

Yimmie {turns and comes back a step or two). Yust 
one t’ing Ay lak to tal you. You ban do t’ings you lak 
to forget. If you ban vise, you don’t ban a geezer. 
{Crosses up right.) 

Pal enters left. 

Pal. Hello, Yimmie. {Crosses to back of table.) 
What’s the racket, eh? Mr. Kent want to see me? 
More about the spook? Have you seen it again, Miss 
Sylvia ? 




56 


YIMMIE YONSON’S YOB 


Sylvia ( peevishly ). Don’t be so familiar. ( Crosses 
extreme right.) 

Pal. Excuse me; mj mistake. Haven’t you been 
to bed yet, Yimmie? 

Yimmie. You lak to have fun. Ay guess the yig 
ban up vith me. Ay soon go back to Mannasota. 

Pal {smiling) . Oh, forget it. ( Crosses down left.) 

Kent enters from outside and hangs up his hat. 

Kent. Well? 

Pal. Hello, Mr. Kent. You want to see me? Gee, 
you just busted my beauty sleep all to pieces. 

Kent ( crosses right of table). I do want to talk to 
you. 

Pal. Shoot. 

Kent. When did you marry my adopted daughter 
Belle? 

Pal {puzzled). When? Married? Me? 

Kent. No use trying to dodge the question. I want 
the truth. Why didn’t you tell me? 

Pal. Tell you? Gee, I didn’t know it myself. 

Kent. That will do. I’m in no humor to joke. 

Pal. Guess the joke’s on me, whatever it is. 

Belle enters left. 

Belle. Yes, father? {Crosses to bach of table.) 

Kent {angrily). Y r ou can stand there and call me 
father? You dare to look me in the face? After all 
the years of care I’ve given you, you wilfully deceive 
me. Why wasn’t I told of your marriage? Why did 
you bring your husband here? 

Belle {frightened). My husband? 

Kent {to Pal). Take your wife and get out of the 
house. 

Pal. My wife! 



YIMMIE YONSON’S YOB 


57 


Belle. I don’t understand. (To Pal.) What 
does he mean ? 

Pal. Search me. 

Peg enters left. 

Kent. Hurry up. Pack and get out. 

Belle. Father, you’ve made a mistake. 

Kent. Do you deny that you are married? An¬ 
swer me! 

Frank enters from outside and crosses down right a lit¬ 
tle , without removing his hat. 

Belle. No, I do not deny it. 

Kent ( indicating Pal). That man is your hus¬ 
band. 

Belle. No. 

Kent {loudly). No? And yet Sylvia saw you in 
his arms. 

Yimmie ( crosses to center). Mr. Kent, if you let me 
speak— {Smiles.) Ay ban vatching for gude chance. 
Ay tal you— {Reaches in pocket to pull out purse.) 

Sylvia {in terror). Uncle, I—I— 

Kent {turns to Sylvia). Yes? What’s the matter? 

Yimmie. Ay tenk she ban goin’ to tal you she lied. 

Kent. What? 

Sylvia. Yes. I— lied’— about Belle. 

Peg. The haythen Chinese! 

Kent {angrily). Explain yourself, Sylvia. 

Sylvia. I’ve nothing more to say now, uncle, only— 
I lied. 

Pal. Good girl! 

Kent. Do you mean to say that all you told me a 
little while ago was a lie ? A deliberate lie ? 

Sylvia. . I—didn’t know for sure. I just guessed, 
and—and made up the rest. 



58 


YIMMIE YONSON’S YOB 


Kent. Why ? 

Peg {loudly). Why, is it? Sure a blind man could 
see why— 

Kent {angrily). Shut your mouth. 

Peg {blazing up). Sure I’ll shut me mouth when I 
get ready. By garry, I’ve got me union card and I’ll 
say what I durn please! 

Belle. Peg; hush. 

Peg. Sure me blood’s b’ilin’. 

Kent {severely, to Sylvia). Why have you lied 
about Belle? 

Sylvia. I—I was jealous of—your love for her, 
uncle. I— 

Peg. Oh, the blarney of her! 

Kittie enters left. 

Kittie. What’s the matter? Did it come again? 

Peg. Be quiet. 

Kent ( furiously , to Sylvia). I’m through with 
you; {to Frank) and you, pack your duds. 

Peg. By garry, ye’re cornin’ to yer senses. 

Kent {to Peg). And you pack yours! 

Peg. Oh, indade! I take me orders from higher up. 
{Furiously.) But it’s meself that’s tellin’ ye, ye’ve 
been blind as a bat, and I’m glad ye’re beginnin’ to see 
a thing or two. Miss Belle, here, is an angel, but that 
one— {Referring to Sylvia.) 

Sylvia {angry). Oh, who cares for your opinion? 

Peg {snaps). And who the divil cares for yours? 

Kent {sharply). That will do. 

Frank. I’m sorry, Mr. Kent. I think you’ll see 
things in a different light tomorrow. 

Kent {crosses to outside door and gets hat from 
rack as he speaks). Go to bed, all of you. I want 
these lights out in half an hour. {Eocits outside.) 




YIMMIE YONSON’S YOB 


59 


Kittie. Ooh! ( Runs to right door.) It won’t 
take me that long. ( Exits right , calling back.) Come 
on, Peg. 

Peg (to Belle). Go to bed, dearie. 

Pal (crossing up left). Good-night, good people. 
I feel all of a flutter to get a perfectly good wife and 
lose her, all in five minutes. Some record. (Looks at 
Belle and laughs.) Good-night. See you tomorrow. 
Come on, Yimmie. (Exits left.) 

Belle (crosses to Sylvia). I’m sorry, Sylvia. We 
all make mistakes. Let’s forgive and forget. (Ex¬ 
tends hand.) 

Sylvia (turns angrily from her). Oh, let me alone. 

Peg. Let her alone, darlin’, and run along and get 
some sleep. By garry (crossing right), Auld Nick has 
been afoot this night. Remember, lights out in half an 
hour. (Exits right.) 

Belle. Good-night. (Crosses left in front of 
table.) 

Yimmie. Yait a minute. (Crosses to back of 
table.) Ay ban got something for you, please, Miss 
Belle. (To Sylvia.) You vill fix it up all right. Ay 
tenk den Ay tak a sleep. Yee! (Yawns.) 

Sylvia. Frank, give Yimmie that little bag. 

Frank (up right). What the— (Comes down a 
little .) 

Sylvia (quickly). I’ll explain later. 

(Frank takes little bag from pocket and hands it to 
Yimmie.) 

Yimmie. Yiminy, dis ban yolly gude to me. Ay ban 
full of yinyer. Miss Belle, Ay lak you. (Hands bag to 
her . She takes it joyfully.) Your eyes ban so bright 

sum a star. 




60 


YIMMIE YONSON’S YOB 


Belle. Thank you, Yimmie. (Gives him her hand.) 
Good-night. You have made me very happy. 

Yimmie. Ven Ay first see you, Ay ban tak off my 
lid. By yinks. Ay lak your face. 

Belle ( laughs happily). Thank you. Good-night. 
(Crosses left and goes up steps.) 

Sylvia ( angrily , to Yimmie). Give me my purse. 

Yimmie. Speak yen tie. (Smiles to Belle.) Gude- 
night. (Kisses Belle’s hand deliberately. Belle 
exits left.) 

Frank (to Sylvia). Well, what’s the idea? 

Sylvia. He found my purse, and wouldn’t give it to 
me until I had told uncle I lied about Belle. He threat¬ 
ened to tell uncle what was in the purse. 

Frank (crosses threateningly to Yimmie). Give me 
that purse—quick ! 

Yimmie. If you speak rough, you ban get a gude 
smash on yaw. (Makes a quick pass at Frank, who 
dodges it.) Ay got gude punch, Ay bet you. Ay ban 
careless son-of-a-gun. 

Frank (hesitates, then speaks) . Good-night. (Exits 
quickly outside.) 

Sylvia (crosses to right of table). Well, will you 
give me my purse? 

Yimmie. Sure. You bet your life. (Takes out 
purse.) Ay s’pose you tink life ban purty hard game? 
(Gives her purse.) 

Sylvia (takes purse angrily , quickly opens it and 
looks in it). You big blockhead. I’ll get even with 
you—remember that! (Exits left , in a fury.) 

Yimmie (crosses in front of table and leans back 
against it; smiles). Ay ban purty slick son-of-a-gun. 
(Starts toward left door.) 

Frank enters quickly from outside. 



YIMMIE YONSON’S YOB 


61 


Frank. Say, wait a minute. (Yimmie turns. 
Frank crosses to right of table.) Where do you get 
your nerve? 

Yimmie. Nerve? 

Frank. Yes, nerve. 

Yimmie. Ay ban drinking sassaparilla. 

Frank. Is that so ! Smart, aren’t you? 

Yimmie. Purty smart. (Grins.) 

Frank. What are you doing in this town? Who 
are you? 

Yimmie. Ay ban Yimmie Yonson from Manna— 

Frank. Oh, cut that! Who are you? You’re not 
a Swede. (Looks searchingly at Yimmie.) 

Yimmie. You tenk Ay ban Irish? 

Frank. No, I don’t think you’re Irish. But you 
look darn familiar to me, somehow. Were you ever in 
Chicago ? 

Yimmie. You bet your life. Chicago, he ban big 
place. 

Frank. What did you do in Chicago? 

Yimmie (stupidly). In Chicago? 

Frank. Yes. What did you do there? 

Yimmie. Ay valk. 

Frank. Walk? 

Yimmie. Sure. Ay valk; har, dar and somevar else. 
Ay don’t ban have no automobile. 

Frank (impatiently). What were you doing there? 
What business ? 

Yimmie. Business? Ay bet your life Ay don’t ban 
dar wery long. 

Frank. Well, what did you do? 

Yimmie (grinning) . Yust try hard to keeping 
golden rule. 

Frank. I’ve met you some place before. 




62 


YIMMIE YONSON’S YOB 


Yimmie. Ay s’pose. You know Swen Anson? 

Frank. No. Why? 

Yimmie, Ay an’t ban know him, neider. {Winks.) 
Ay an’t ban no country yay. 

Frank. I think you’re a nut. 

Yimmie. You try to crack me? It ban hal, ay tal 
you. 

Frank. Is that so? 

Yimmie. Yaw. It ban up to you. Ay soon going 
back to the pines. You ban going to crack, you better 
crack quick, Ay tal you. Yee, my head ban harder sum 
a china plate. 

Frank. Yes— and thicker. 

Yimmie. Ay see lots of fallers who tenk dey ban 
vise. Yell {yawns), ve got enough, Ay tenk. 

Frank {shortly). Then go. 

Yimmie. Vhy don’t you go yourself? Ay stay har. 
My sleep ban bust all to hal. Val, Ay go for valk. 
{Crosses to outside door , looks out.) Ay see lights of 
willage shining t’rough rain and mist. Soon Ay skol 
got sleepy. {Exits outside.) 

Sylvia enters left in time to see Yimmie go out. She 
wears a kimono or dressing gown. 

Frank. Why aren’t you in bed? Do you know 
what time it is ? 

Sylvia. Yes. I can’t sleep. Frank, I’ve been think¬ 
ing. We must get rid of that Swede. He’s dangerous. 

Frank. Gee, you’re so dam bright perhaps you can 
tell how. 

Sylvia. Yes, I can. Frank, he isn’t the fool he 
pretends to be. Anyway, he knows too much about us. 
He’s sure to tell all he knows to that detective. I see 
lots of trouble ahead for us unless we get rid of him 



YIMMIE YONSON’S YOB 


63 


at once. And I’ll not let him get away with that purse 
deal. We’ve got to frame him. 

Frank. How? What’s your idea? 

Pal enters left unnoticed, as Sylvia replies , and 
hides quietly behind the door, which is hung to swing 
into the room , and which remains open. 

Sylvia. Well, I’m going to get uncle’s watch—the 
one that was given him on his anniversary. He prizes 
that so much. It’s in his dresser drawer. You go out 
and tell the Swede I want,him. Is uncle in yet? 

Frank. No. 

Sylvia. Well, find him and keep him outside until 
I can put the watch in the Swede’s pocket. I’ll scream 
when I’m ready. I have it all planned. It won’t take 
a minute. Can I count on you? 

Frank. Sure. I’ll keep the old man outside till you 
scream. (Rises.) Now watch your step. Be sure 
you’ve got it doped out right. You’re in bad already. 

Sylvia. I’ll not fail this time. 

Frank. All right, beat it. I’ll send the Swede here 
and look out for the old man. (Exits quickly outside.) 

Sylvia. I won’t be a minute. (Crosses to left door 
and exits quickly.) 

(Pal comes from behind left door , uncertain what to 
do. Crosses quickly to outside door , changes his mind , 
crosses left and runs up the steps as if to exit. Hears 
Sylvia returning , pauses , listens , then conceals himself 
behind door as before.) 

Sylvia enters left , crosses to table , sits left of table 
and waits. She has the watch in her right hand. She 
listens anxiously , hears Yimmie coming , conceals watch 
in folds of her skirt , throws her head on the table and 
begins to sob convulsively. 



64 


YIMMIE YONSON’S YOB 


Yimmie enters from outside , pauses as lie sees Sylvia, 
then crosses quickly to her. 

Yimmie. Hollo. You ban got heartache? Yerusa- 
lem, that ban bad. Ay can help you. Ay don’t know— 
(Pats her head.) Ay tenk you ban yolly gude faller, 
too. Don’t ban coward slob. 

Sylvia ( pretending to weep). I’m so unhappy! I 
couldn’t sleep. It seems I’m always doing wrong. I 
want to ask you to please forgive me and not tell my 
uncle. Oh, my head aches so, it’s just killing me. 
Yimmie, I do like you, really. I believe you would be 
a real friend. I want to tell you the truth about that 
hundred dollars. I couldn’t sleep thinking about it. 
I must tell someone, and you are the only one I can 
trust. Oh, if you would only rub my head. 

Yimmie. Sure Ay vill. ( Crosses hack of table and 
stands hack of Sylvia’s chair , hut a little to the left. 
Smooths her head.) Yee whiz, Ay feel lak Ay can cry. 
No wonder. Ay ban slob lumberyack. Ay mak you 
feelin’ pretty blue. 

Sylvia. That feels better, Yimmie. I’m so sorry I 
am not sweet and good like Belle. Oh, dear. 

(Sylvia sobs and swings around as she speaks , laying 
her head against him as she reaches around and puts 
watch in his left pocket with her right hand. Pal, 
watching from behind door , sees this , comes from behind 
door , skilfully takes watch from Yimmie’s pocket and 
noiselessly returns to hiding place behind door. Sylvia’s 
face is hidden against Yimmie so she cannot see Pal, 
while Yimmie has his arms around Sylvia trying to 
comfort her , with his head bent over her head and his 
face turned away from Pal.) 

Yimmie ( while Pal is getting watch). You ban all 
right! You sure buck up an’ not ban sucker no more. 



YIMMIE YQNSON’S YOB 


65 


Ay tal you, purty soon we ban dead. You gee yourself, 
if you open your eyes, it an’t ban right. (Sylvia sud¬ 
denly jumps up and screams loudly. Yimmie, scared , 
backs quickly to extreme left , down stage.) Yee whiz! 

Sylvia (screams again and pulls her hair down). 
.Uncle! Uncle! Frank! (To Yimmie.) Oh, you 
wretch! (Calls loudly.) Uncle! Frank! (Crosses to 
outside door , then back to center in front of table.) 

Pal (as she crosses to outside door , comes quickly 
from left door and advances as if just coming from 
up stairs). Hello, what’s the trouble? (Crosses to 
left corner of the table.) 

Yimmie. By yiminy, she ban gone crazy. 

Frank enters excitedly from outside , followed by Kent. 

Frank. Did you scream, Sylvia? What’s the mat¬ 
ter ? 

Sylvia (in mock hysterics). Oh, Frank! This 
Swede has insulted me. (Crosses toward Yimmie.) 

Frank (follows her). What’s that? 

(Yimmie is extreme left. Sylvia is left center oppo¬ 
site Yimmie. Frank is back of Sylvia, about center , 
in front of table. Kent crosses down next to Frank. 
Pal crosses down next to Kent, putting them in a 
row across the stage.) 

Sylvia. I was coming out of my room for a drink 
of water, when I saw that Swede go into uncle’s room. 
I watched him. He searched through the dresser 
drawers, and I saw him take uncle’s watch. He came 
down stairs and I followed him. He tried to go out, 
but I stopped him. Then he—he tried to—to kiss me— 
and I screamed. 

Peg, Kittie and Micky enter right. Kittie goes 
next to Pal, Peg next to Kittie and Micky next to 

Peg. 




66 


YIMMIE YONSON’S YOB 


Sylvia ( continuing). Search him, Frank! Search 
him and get uncle’s watch. 

(Frank crosses to Yimmie and begins to search his 
pockets. All are looking at Yimmie. Pal winks at 
Yimmie and holds up watch. Yimmie smiles broadly as 
Pal passes watch to Kittie, who grins and passes it to 
Peg, who chuckles and passes it to Micky, who hangs 
it on a nail in the wall down right.) 

Yimmie (as they begin to pass watch). Ay tenk 
the time ban passing. 

Frank (after searching all Yimmie’s pockets). It’s 
not there. Where is it? 

Sylvia (excitedly). I’m sure it’s there. Look again. 

Frank. I tell you it isn’t. 

Yimmie (smiling). Ay tal you—vatch. (Goes 
through hand motions like a sleight-of-hand performer.) 
Yun—two—free—look! (Points at watch. All turn, 
look right and see watch.) 

Kent (after pause for laugh). My watch! Sylvia, 
explain. 

Pal. I’ll tell you, M*r. Kent. 

Sylvia (furiously). What do you know about it? 

Pal. Everything. I saw you when you put the 
watch in Yimmie’s pocket. 

Frank. But it’s not in Yimmie’s pocket. 

Yimmie. No. Ay ban slick son-of-a-gun. 

(All laugh but Sylvia and Frank.) 

Curtain. 



YIMMIE YONSON’S YOB 


The Third Act. 

Scene: Same as the First and Second Acts; the 
next evening. Stage lights up. 

At Rise, Peg is seated right of table, mending socks, 
and Kittie is curled up in chair right, reading a novel. 

Kittie. Listen, Peg. ( Reads aloud from book.) 
“The smile that grew in his eyes and lips as he met her 
gaze made her heart beat strangely, the homage of his 
eyes intoxicated her—” 

Peg. Here, cut that! Ye’re breakin’ the law. 

Kittie. Oh, Peg, be quiet. ( Continues reading.) 
“Impulsively she separated a rosebud from the flowers 
and gave it to him—” 

Peg. Oh, fer the love of Pat! 

Kittie {reading). “She flitted toward the palms, 
her golden hair glimmering in the moonlight—” 

Peg. I’ll bet her hair’s bleached. 

Kittie {closes book with a bang). Peg, I shan’t 
read another word. 

Peg. I don’t want to hear any more of that mush. 

Kittie. It isn't mush. It’s just beautiful. 

Peg {mocking Kittie). “His eyes intoxicated her.” 
I think she’s shy in the upper story. “Her golden 
hair—” Light-headed, that’s what. 

Kittie. Peg, is Micky the only fellow you ever had? 

Peg. Micky, is it ? Humph! I’ve had oodles of ’em. 

Kittie {delighted). You have? Oh, Peg, tell me 
about them! 

Peg {slowly). Well, before I came to this country— 

Kittie. Yes ? 


67 



68 


YIMMIE YONSON’S YOB 


Peg. When I lived in Ireland—my, my— 

Kittie. Oh ( impatiently ), go on, Peg. How many 
beaux did you have? Which one did you love the best? 

Peg. Jimmie Cassidy. 

Kittie. Was he nice? 

Peg. He was even nicer than that. 

Kittie. Good-looking? 

Peg. He was; a blunet. 

Kittie. A blue net? {Laughs.) 

Peg. Black hair and black eyes—and a black heart, 
the divil! 

Kittie. I thought you said he was nice. 

Peg. I thought he was till I got on to the curves of 
him, the blackguard! 

Kittie. What did he do? 

Peg. Anywan that gave him a chance. Then Ihere 
was Patrick Flannigan. 

Kittie. Yes ? 

Peg. Oh, but the divil was in the two eyes of him. 
They was blue as the skies. And the smile of him 
would coax the heart out of your body. 

Kittie. Good-looking? 

Peg. From the neck up. 

Kittie {laughs). What was the matter with the 
rest of him? 

Peg. Slab-sided, and—oh, St. Patrick, the legs of 
him! 

Kittie. Leg^ ? 

Peg. They was so bowed, by garry, a team of mules 
could go between thim and niver a step would' Pat miss. 

Kittie {laughs). Oh, Peg, you’re the limit! Bow- 
legged ! 

Peg. And Dinny Casey. 

Kittie. Dinny Casey ? 



YIMMIE YONSON’S YOB 


69 


Peg. There was the laddybuck. His hair was red. 

Kittie. Yes? 

Peg. And his eyes was green, and his mouth as big 
as three. 

Kittie {laughing). Peg, you’re fibbing like a house 
afire. 

Peg. I am not. But the bye of thim all was Johnny 
O’Grady—one of the foinest—a cop. I met him whin 
I first came to this country. His bate was by the house 
I worked at. Many’s the pie that lad made away with. 

Kittie. Did he tell you he loved you? 

Peg. He did. 

Kittie. Did you like him? 

Peg. I did. 

Kittie. Why didn’t you marry him? 

Peg. There was an obstacle. 

Kittie. An obstacle? 

Peg. Yes. 

Kittie. Bowlegs? 

Peg. No. 

Kittie. Green eyes? 

Peg. No. 

Kittie. What was it? 

Peg. His wife. 

Kittie. Peg, you’re the biggest fibber in seven 
states. You’ve made up every word of it. Just you 
wait. I’ll get a chance to string you—and you bet I 
will. See if I don’t. 

Pal enters briskly from outside. 

Pal. Hello, Kittie. I want to speak to you a minute. 
Come here a minute, will you? 

Kittie {jumping up , runs to him). Sure. 

Pal {whispers to her). 




70 


YIMMIE YONSON’S YOB 


Kittie {eagerly). Um-hum. {Falling and rising 
inflection, nods head “yes”) 

Pal {whispers again). 

Kittie. Um-um. {Rising and falling inflection, 
shakes head “no”) 

Pal {whispers again). 

Kittie {delighted) . Um-hum. {Falling and rising 
inflection, nods head “yes”) 

Pal {whispers again). 

Kittie. Um-um. {Rising and falling inflection, de¬ 
cidedly shakes head “no”) 

Peg {looks around). What’s the big idea? “Um- 
hum,” yes; “Um-um,” no. {Imitating Kittie’s inflec¬ 
tions. ) 

Kittie {to Pal). Sure. Yes. All right. 

Pal. Great! So long, then. , {Crosses hack of 
table.) How are you {leaning over table), Peg o’ me 
heart ? 

Peg. I’m watchin’ you, me bucko. (Pal laughs and 
exits left. Peg rises, crosses a little left and turns to 
Kittie.) Kittie, come here to me. Come on, now—this 
minute. 

Kittie {turns her toes in and comes slowly down 
right). What? 

Peg. What do you mean, “what”? Put on yer man¬ 
ners whin ye talk to me. What’s the meanin’ of all the 
shenanigan? The secret conference? 

Kittie. Oh, nothing. 

Peg. Nothin’, is it? Well, you look lively or I’ll 
send ye flyin’ back to yer mother, do ye mind that now. 
“Nothin’!” 

Kittie. Oh, Peg, I mustn’t tell you. It’s a secret, 
and—you’ll know all about it soon. All the same, he’s 
awful nice, I’m here to tell you. {Dances hack a few 
steps.) 



YIMMIE YONSON’S YOB 


71 


Peg. And I’m here to tell you that you’ll get into 
the kitchen and get busy—dum quick! 

Kittie {bravely). Oh, you can’t scare me, Irish. 

Peg. What’s that? {Starts for her.) 

Kittie {with a scream ,» bolts off right , then comes 
back). Say, Peg; I saw Micky huggin’ you last night. 

Peg {starts for her). What’s that? (Kittie laughs 
and dashes out right.) Wait till I lay me hands on that 
one, that’s all. {Sits right of table. Outside door very 
slowly swings open. Peg feels that something is wrong , 
then turns and watches door opening.) Who’s that? 
( Pauses , frightened.) Be the soul of Mark Anthony! 
{Slides to the edge of her chair and sits bolt upright.) 

Belle enters left with a small pitcher. 

Peg {seeing her). Belle—is it you? Come here. 
{Rises and stands in front of table , her back to audi¬ 
ence.) Close the door. {Speaks mysteriously; sits left 
of table.) 

Belle {crosses and closes outside door). What’s 
the matter, Peg? {Crosses to chair right of table.) 

Peg {hand over heart). Oh! By garry, I’m as cold 
as a cake of ice. 

Belle. Why? What has happened? 

Peg. Me dear, I was sittin’ here, peaceful and un¬ 
conscious-like, whin I thought I heard—Oh, by garry, 
me hair is raisin’ up on me head this minute from think- 
in’ of it! I thought I heard somethin’. I looked 
around, and So help me, the door there slowly opened— 
with niver a hand touchin’ it! 

Belle {trying not to be frightened , slides into chair 
right of table). The wind, of course, Peg. 

Peg. It was not the wind. How could it be whin 
there is no wind ? Oh, me darlin’, it’s gettin’ as nervous 




72 YIMMIE YONSON’S YOB 


as a jellyfish I am. How the divil I’m goin’ to stand 
it I don’t know. 

Belle. I tell you it’s all nonsense, Peg. Pull your¬ 
self together. 

Pjsg (rocking back and forth). It’s the bye cornin’ 
back to scare us all to death. His father was too hard 
on him. Mr. Bob was wild, but oh, his heart was broke 
completely whin his father accused him of bein’ a thief. 
He can’t rest in his grave a-thinkin’ of it. Oh, he was a 
foine lad —(puts hands over face , rocks back and forth) 
an affectionate lad. His father was too hard on him. 

Kent ( outside ). Let it alone, Michael. 

Belle {rises). Hush! Here comes dad now. 

Kent enters from outside and hangs up his hat. 

Peg (as Kent enters). I’ll bate it. {Exits right.) 

Kent {crosses down to right of table). Well, Belle, 
I guess I’ll have to apologize to you. 

Belle {stands in front of chair right of table). Oh, 
dad, please don’t. Let’s just shake hands and forget. 
I don’t blame you, dad. It was a mistake. Suppose we 
let it go at that. {Extends hand.) 

Kent {taking it). It’s a little hard for the old man 
to admit he was in the wrong, but—I’m sorry, Belle. 

Belle {earnestly). That’s beautiful of you, dad. 
And I understand. Now let’s not say any more about 
it. I want you to know {kneeling on chair right of 
table) that I loye you dearly, dad. {Takes hold of his 
coat lapels.) It’s rather hard for me to say things, too. 
I feel more than I can express. But now that we are 
on the subject I want you to know that I do appreciate 
all you have done for me. You have been a real father 
to me, and I couldn’t have loved my own dad more. 

Kent {with arms around her). Well {pats her 
back) there, that’s understood. I’m beginning to 



YIMMIE YONSON’S YOB 


73 


think I’m a stubborn old mule. It’s hard for me to say 

I’m in the wrong—but I know how to. ( Sighs 
deeply; sits on chair right as he speaks.) My heart’s 
been pretty heavy, Belle. 

Belle (crosses and stands behind him , her arms over 
his shoulders). Oh, I know it, dad. But we must all 
buck up. Life’s lessons are hard sometimes. 

Kent. And I thought I was too old to go to school. 

Belle (smiles). Old Father Time is a foxy teacher. 
He meanders through the years, and suddenly pops a 
problem at us just when we thought we had learned it 
all. 

Sylvia enters left. 

Belle. Here’s Sylvia. I’ll go. (As she crosses.) 
Hello, Sylvia. (Exits right.) 

Sylvia (ignoring Belle, crosses down left to front 
of table). Uncle! 

Kent. Yes. 

Sylvia. I am leaving tomorrow morning. I can’t 
get a train tonight. 

Mrs. Kent enters left and crosses down to Sylvia. 

Kent. Leaving in the morning, eh? Where are you 
going? 

Mrs. Kent. Y r ou are not going to leave us like this, 
Sylvia ? 

Kent (rises). Y r ou had better stay out your vaca¬ 
tion. 

Sylvia. Thanks, but I prefer to go. 

Mrs. Kent. You have no mother, my girl. Now 
listen to me, dear. 

Sylvia. It’s no use. My mind is made up. I want 
to ask you to let me have some money, uncle. 

Kent. Is Frank going, too? 




74 


YIMMIE YONSON’S YOB 


Sylvia. Yes. 

Mrs. Kent. My dear! 

Kent ( crosses to right of table). Not a penny, 
Sylvia. I’m standing in your father’s place. I have 
your money in trust. You shall have your usual instal¬ 
ment when the time comes. If you want to marry 
Frank, stay here until you are married—although if 
you’ll listen to my advice, you will let that fellow alone. 

Sylvia. Why? 

Kent {gruffly). What do we know of him, anyway? 
He came here from Chicago six months ago, a perfect 
stranger. 

Mrs. Kent. Better stay, dear. 

Sylvia. Oh, don’t be so kind to me! {Sits left, 
abruptly). I’m beginning to have an all-gone feeling 
myself. 

Mrs. Kent {crossing to right as she speaks). Well, 
we won’t torment you, dear. But think it over. We 
want you to stay. Remember that, my dear. {Exits 
right.) 

Kent. I want to trust you, Sylvia, but it’s pretty 
hard after your deliberate lie about Belle. 

Sylvia. Oh, I don’t care! What’s the use? I can’t 
explain. But—I wish you would give me that money. 

Kent. No. 

Sylvia {rises angrily). You have no business to 
keep my money in the house. It isn’t safe. The proper 
place is in the bank. This— {hesitates) this—house 
may be robbed at any time. 

Kent. Allow me to run my own affairs, if you 
please. My money is safer than in the bank. That’s 
my way. {Short pause.) How did you know I kept 
it in the house? {Looks at her sharply.) 



YIMMIE YONSON’S YOB 


75 


Sylvia. Why—it’s common gossip around town. 
Everybody knows it. I’m just trying to warn you. 

Kent. Oh, it’s common gossip, eh? Well, you let 
the common gossips alone. ( Crossing to right door as 
he speaks.) I’ll run my own business. ( Exits right.) 

Frank enters from outside and comes down right. 

Frank ( hat in hand). Well, what did he say? 

Sylvia (shortly). Nothing doing. (Sits left of 
table.) 

Frank. Wouldn’t give it to you, eh? All right. 
We’ll get more the other way, anyhow. (Sits right of 
table.) 

Sylvia. Not “we”. 

Frank. What? 

Sylvia. You heard me. I said not “we”. You can 
count me out. 

Frank (after pause , smiles). Cold feet, eh? 

Sylvia. Call it that if you like. 

Frank. Say, what’s the matter with you? You’ve 
been as cranky as blazes all day. 

Sylvia. What do you want me to do—dance a jig? 

Frank. Oh, that’s the way you feel. Want to drop 
out, eh? Spilled the beans yourself. Got a sore head 
and want to take it out on me. Well, I’ll go it alone. 
I suppose you’ll call it your money if I get it. 

Sylvia. Oh, I wish I hadn’t told you about my 
money. You’ve thought of nothing else since. 

Kittie enters right with broom , crosses softly up stage 
to left door , and listens. 

Frank. Listen. I’m going to make a try for it 
tonight after everybody’s in bed. I’ll pretend to go 
dow r n town. Then I’ll hang around and watch the old 
man. 



76 


YIMMIE YONSON'S YOB 


(Kittie softly exits left.) 

Sylvia. I’m out of it. 

Frank {sneering). A nice prospective wife you are! 

Sylvia. I guess I’m out of that, too. 

Frank (rising). Suit yourself. ( Crosses up 
right.) 

Sylvia ( rises quickly). What do I know—about 
your past? 

Frank ( comes hack and leans over table). My past, 
eh? Guess you don’t love me any more, when you begin 
to analyze. 

Sylvia. Oh, Love isn’t blind any more. He’s begin¬ 
ning to open his eyes a little bit. He’s beginning to see 
a thing or two. ( Sits left of table.) 

Frank Getting pretty darn smart, isn’t he! 

Sylvia. He certainly is. And it’s about time, too. 

Frank (crossing to outside door as he speaks). 
Guess I’ll take a run around the block—until you feel 
better. ( Exits outside.) 

Peg (off right). Tell Kittie to come down here, 
will ye darlin’? 

(Sylvia quickly runs out left.) 

Belle enters right with pitcher of water. 

Belle (as she enters). All right, Peg. (Crosses 
back of table.) 

Peg enters right. 

Peg. I wish you’d put on your hat and come along. 
A little ride down town would do you good. And we 
might go to a movie. 

Belle. No, thanks; not tonight, Peg. Is Kittie 
going ? 

Peg. Sure, the monkey has got to see the breakfast 
food movie. 



YIMMIE YONSON’S YOB 


77 


Belle. Breakfast food movie? 

Peg. The serial. (Belle laughs.) 

Micky, his hat on the hack of his head , enters right. 

Micky. All right, Peg, I’ll soon have the bus at the 
door. (As he stands beside her, guts his arm around 
her waist.) 

Peg (loosens his hand). Cut that out, Micky. Don’t 
make a fool of yerself. 

Micky. Don’t ye think she ought to be marryin’ me 
pretty soon, Miss Belle ? 

Belle. I surely do, Micky. 

Micky. She’s been playin’ fast an’ loose with me fer 
two years, now — 

Peg. Git out of that. 

Belle (turns her hack , guts hand over her eyes). 
I won’t look. 

Micky (quickly kisses Peg, then runs to outside 
door). I’ll be ready in tin minutes, Peg. (Exits out¬ 
side. ) 

Peg. The blackguard! I’ll oystersize him fer a week 
fer that. 

Belle (smiling). Don’t be mean, Peg. 

Peg. Mean, is it? I’ll have him beggin’ me pardon 
fer a week. ( Crossing to kitchen .) I’ve got to git me 
innin’s now, fer after we’re married—good-night! 
(Exits right.) 

(Belle laughs and crosses toward left door, when —) 
Yimmie enters left , and stands smiling. 

Yimmie. Hollo, Belle. 

Belle (smiling). Hollo, Yimmie. 

Yimmie (comes down stegs toward her, hat in hand). 
Ay ban dream, of you all night. 



78 


YIMMIE YONSON’S YOB 


Belle. Why, Yimmie Yonson, you’re a great big 
fraud. (Backs away from him around the table to 
left.) 

Yimmie. Ay love you. 

Belle (backs around behind table, speaks nerv¬ 
ously). Sh! Don’t speak so loud! Someone may 
come in any minute. 

Yimmie (leans over table). Ay skol vorry. You 
ban sveet lak rose. Ay love you. Yat you tenk by me? 

Belle ( laughing , leans over table). I think you’re 
a silly sunflower, “Yimmie Yonson from Mannasota.” 

Yimmie. Ay sure love you true. You skol be my 
vife some day. Ay skol building home for you and me. 
Ay ban going to kiss you. Vatch out. (Starts for her 
around left of table , stops in front of table, right.) 

Belle ( laughs , runs around table to center , then 
back of table again). You get out, Yimmie Yonson. 

Yimmie. After ve ban married, you tenk dat kiss 
pretty fine, by yee. 

Belle. Yimmie, you’re too reckless. (Throws him 
a kiss, runs up steps at left.) You bet my life Ay love 
you! (Laughs and exits left.) 

Yimmie (turns to audience). Yee whiz! Ay ban 
smart old son-of-a-gun—Ay bet you. 

Kittle, with broom, enters left. 

Kittie. Hello, Yimmie. 

Yimmie. Hollo. 

Kittie (hugs him). Yimmie, you’re a sweet old 
pumpkin, and I’d kiss you if it wasn’t for that alfalfa 
you’re hiding behind. 

Yimmie (points to moustache). Dis ban vhiskers. 
Ay skol hold him so. (Holds moustache aside with both 
hands.) You tak chance? 



YIMMIE YONSON’S YOB 


79 


Kittie. Nope. But I’ll just give you another hug. 
(Hugs him.) 

Peg enters right and sees them. 

Peg. Kittie Mary Ellen Ryan! 

Kittie. Oh, gee ( jumping bach ), Peg, you see 
everything! 

(Yimmie backs up stage out of the way.) 

Peg ( crossing in front of table and around it after 
Kittie). Git in here! Hurry up, you spalpeen, you. 
(Kittie, laughing , runs around table and exits right. 
Peg pursues Kittie to kitchen door , then turns to 
Yimmie.) And you—you woolly-headed Swede—let 
that girl alone, d’ye mind? Or I’ll give ye the weight 
of me hand on yer jaw! (Kittie sneaks back from 
kitchen and hides behind Peg.) You blond spitzpoodle, 
you! ( Turns and exits right.) 

Kittie ( walks around Peg as she exits). Sh! She’ll 
box my ears. ( Runs to YYmmie.) Sh! Ay ban vise. 

Pal enters left , hat in hand. 

Pal. Hello, children. 

Yimmie. Hollo. 

Pal. Beat it, Yimmie. “You ban vise”? 

Yimmie. Ay ban vise. You got gude chance to vin- 
ning, Ay bet you. (Crossing to outside door.) Ay 
skol beat it. (Puts on hat and exits outside.) 

Pal. Come here, Kittie. {Takes her hand, leads her 
to chair right of table , goes back of table and sits on 
table while she kneels on chair.) I’m going away to¬ 
morrow. 

Kittie {sadly). Yep. 

Pal. Sorry? 

Kittie {rising inflection). Y r ep. 



80 


YIMMIE YONSON’S YOB 


Pal. You bet Vm sorry to leave you . 

Kittie. What you got to go for? 

Pal. My job’s waiting for me. 

Kittie ( smiles at him roguishly ). Why don’t you 
get a job here? 

Pal. Would you like that? (Kittie nods head 
“ yes ”) How old are you, Kittie? 

Kittie. Sixteen. 

Pal. In two years you’ll be eighteen. 

Kittie { shyly ). Yep. 

Pal { quickly ). I’m coming back in two years. 

Kittie { innocently ) . What for? 

Pal. To get you. 

Kittie {slides to sitting position ). What you wait 
so long for? 

Pal. Could I have you now? 

Kittie { brightly ). Yep. 

Pal { laughs ). I want you to be sure of yourself, but 
I’ll come back next summer for my vacation. Then 
there’ll be some courting. Do you think you’ll remem¬ 
ber me that long? 

Kittie {rising inflection ). Yep. 

Pal. You’re the sweetest girl I ever met. 

Kittie. Yep. 

Pal. I want you to wait for me. I’m going to write 
to you every week. Did you ever receive a love letter? 

Kittie. Yep. Once. On a valentine. “Roses red, 
violets blue, sugar is sweet and so are you.*’ 

Pal { laughs ). That’s no lie. Well, will you wait? 

Kittie. Oh, gee, what’s the use of waiting? 

Pal {leans over her ). Kitty, you darling— 

Peg sneaks on from right , with a broom . 

Pal {seeing Peg). Hello. 



YIMMIE YONSON’S YOB 


81 


(Kittie turns , sees Peg, screams , runs left around 
table. Pal rises and also runs left around table. Kit¬ 
tie continues around again , Pal in front of her.) 

Kitty {yells). Gangway! {Dashes out right.) 

Peg ( follows Kittie to right door , then stops). And 
I told that one’s mother I’d kape track of her, d’ye 
moind ? 

Pal {stops up left). Peg. 

Peg {sternly). Sir. 

Pal {crossing to her). I want to tell you that I’m 
awfully in love with that kid. 

Peg. Fer the love of Mike! 

Pal. And I’m inviting you to our wedding two years 
from this summer. Are you on? {Extends hand.) 

Peg. I believe you mane it. {Heartily shakes hands 
with him.) Good luck to you. She’s a sweet kid, all 
right. I’m goin’ in now and paddle her with the broom 
so that I’ll have that to brag of after ye’re married. 
{Exits right.) 

Mrs. Kent enters right. 

Mrs. Kent. Are you managing to pass the time? 

Pal. / I surely am, Mrs. Kent. But I expect to be 
leaving in the morning. 

Mrs. Kent. Has your visit been disappointing? 

Pal. Well, no; decidedly not. I shall have some¬ 
thing to tell you before I go, Mrs. Kent. 

Mrs. Kent. Then you have discovered something? 

Pal. Yes. I’ve discovered several things. 

Mrs. Kent. Pleasant things, I hope. 

Pal. That’s it; hope , Mrs. Kent. Please accept my 
thanks for your hospitality, and I trust you will invite 
me to spend my vacation here next summer. 

Mrs. Kent. Indeed, we shall be glad to have you. 

Pal. Thank you. 



82 


YIMMIE YONSON’S YOB 


Mrs. Kent ( crossing left). I’ll see you tomorrow, 
then. Good-night. 

Pal. Good-night, Mrs. Kent. Sweet dreams. 

Mrs. Kent. Thank you. {Exits left.) 

Kent enters right. 

Par. Just the person I want to see. Can you spare 
the time for a little walk with me, Mr. Kent? There’s 
something I want to talk over with you. 

Kent. Yes, yes; sure. Found out something? 
{Crossing to outside door , gets hat from rack.) 

Pal. Yes, I think you’ll say 6o, Mr. Kent. {Exits 
outside.) 

Kent. That’s good news. {Exits outside .) 

Peg enters right. She is all dressed up , and has a hat 
on. She carries a basket. 

Peg. I hate like the old scratch to go down town. 
Kittie enters right. She also is dressed festively , and 
wears a hat. 

Kittie. Then stay home, Peg. Let me go. 

Peg. Ye’re too willin’, ye scallawag, ye. {Sits right 
of table.) 

Kittie {crossing back of table , leans over it , elbows 
on table and chin in hand ). Are you going to stay for 
a movie? 

Peg. I don’t know. 

Kittie {coaxing). Oh, Peg; please. 

Peg. I think I’ll pay you up, ye ruffian, fer the way 
ye do be tr’atin’ me. 

Kittie {puts arm around Peg’s neck , coaxing). Oh, 
I’ll be good from now on, for a whole week. 

Peg. Will ye, now? 

Kittie. Please, Peg. If you don’t I’ll pull your 
nose. {Threateningly tries to.) 



YIMMIE YONSON’S YOB 


83 


Peg (slaps her hand). Behave, now. 

Kittle. Will you? 

Peg. I’ll see. 

Kittie (triumphantly ). That means Yes. 

Peg. Maybe it does. 

Kittie. Well, if you won’t stay —I’ll run away and 
see it anyway. 

Peg. To tell the truth, I do be nervous about stayin’ 
out late at night an’ cornin’ back to this house. 

Kittie. Well, Micky will be with us. 

Peg. What could Micky do, I ask ye? If I see it, 
Kittie, I’m tellin’ ye—me funeral’s next Friday. 

Micky enters from outside , with hat on. 

Micky. Are ye ready already? 

Kittie. Sure. Been waiting a week. (Runs to 
door.) 

Peg (crosses to outside doorway , then turns). Kit¬ 
tie, give me yer hand. (Takes Kittle’s hand.) Hang 
on tight, an’ if ye see it, don’t run and l’ave me. (Exits 
outside.) 

Kittie. No. (Exits outside , hand in hand with 
Peg.) 

Micky. By garry, it’s no joke. (Exits outside after 
them.) 

Sylvia enters left when they have gone , crosses and 
opens outside door, where she is met by Kent .entering. 

Kent. Going out ? 

Sylvia. No. (Nervously.) No, I don’t think so. 
I’m going to bed. ( Starts left , then stops.) Frank 
has gone to town and won’t be home till late. 

Kent (hangs up hat , crosses to table , takes news¬ 
paper from his pocket , sits right of table and starts to 
read paper , then looks up at her). You have made up 
your mind to go with that fellow, Sylvia? 




84 


YIMMIE YONSON’S YOB 


Sylvia. I don’t know. He wants me to marry him 
at once, but I think I’ll go back to work—for a while. 

Kent. Going back to Mrs. Norton’s boarding 
house ? 

Sylvia. Yes. I’ve lived there since mother died. 

Kent. Will you tell me your object in lying about 
Belle? 

Sylvia. I can’t. I don’t know. We have never 
liked each other. 

Kent. Well, I shall miss you, Sylvia. 

Sylvia. If you do, you’ll be the only one who ever 
did. 

Kent. You’re talking nonsense. 

Sylvia. Well, I’m going to bed. ( Starts to left 
door, stops, comes back down steps and speaks impul¬ 
sively .) Uncle John— 

Kent ( turns ). Yes ? 

Sylvia ( changing her mind). Nothing. ( Runs out 
quickly, left.) 

(Kent looks after her, shakes his head in puzzled 
fashion, lights his pipe, looks at watch, rises, puts paper 
on table, turns off lights by switch button at outside 
door. Stage lights down to dim, but not absolutely out. 
Kent crosses to closet, gets candle, lights it, enters 
closet and closes door.) 

Frank .looks in the window from outside. Sylvia en¬ 
ters left and pauses, frightened. Frank enters quickly 
and quietly through outside door. 

Sylvia ( crossing to center). Don’t do it, Frank! 
I have a presentiment. 

(This scene is played on dimly lighted stage.) 

Frank. You’re out of it. (Crosses to closet and 
opens door.) A trapdoor, see ? That leads to the base¬ 
ment. 



YIMMIE YONSON’S YOB 


85 


Sylvia (quickly closes door and puts her hack against 
it). You shan’t, Frank. 

Frank. Say, what’s come over you? 

Sylvia. Don’t do it, Frank. Uncle may suspect 
and— 

Frank. What are you driving at? I’m not afraid. 
Get out of my way. 

Sylvia {earnestly) . Frank—will you listen? 

Frank {angrily). No. I’ve made up my mind. 

Sylvia ( resignedly , steps aside). Very well. 
{Crosses to left.) 

Frank. You’re a pretty turncoat, you are. {Takes 
out small flashlight and opens closet door.) 

Bob, the son of Mr. Kent , appears in the closet door¬ 
way , his face lighted by the flashlight that Frank 
points at him. He is very pale 9 and further contrast 
with the gloom is afforded by the white negligee shirt 
which he wears. He wears no tie or hat. Sylvia 
screams and backs down left. 

(Note : The following scene must be played dramat¬ 
ically , forcefully , and not dragged.) 

Frank ( frightened , holds position for a second , then 
backs to extreme right , holding the light on Bob’s face 
all the time , then calls sharply). Sylvia—turn on the 
lights. He’s alive! 

Bob {follows Frank to center). What are you 
afraid of, Frank? 

Frank ( loudly , bluffing). Who said I was afraid? 

Bob. What are you trembling for? 

Frank {loudly)- What are you masquerading for? 

Bob {raising his voice). I’ve been masquerading to 
catch a thief—and get back my good name. 

Frank {angrily). Be careful what you insinuate. 



86 


YIMMIE YONSON’S YOB 


Kent enters quickly from closet . 

Kent. Well, Frank? 

Frank (showing fright , hut still trying to bluff). 
Say, what are you trying to do? 

Kent. What were you trying to do just now—with 
that flashlight in your hand? 

Bob. I’ll tell you, dad. He was going to rob you. 

Frank (threateningly). Be careful'! (Starts toward 
Bob, then stops.) 

Bob (without moving , speaks forcefully). He was 
going to rob you again. Now, Frank, I want you to 
confess to dad that you took that hundred-dollar bill; 
that you did it so cleverly that suspicion pointed at me. 
Confess! 

Frank (laughs). Ha! What do you think I am? 
I’ll bid you good-night. (Starts for outside door , 
just as —) 

Pal enters from outside. He has a small automatic 
in his hand. 

Pal (to Frank). What’s your hurry? (Pause for 
situation.) 

Bob (quietly). Nail him, Pal. 

Pal. You bet. Hold out your hands, old sport. 
Don’t make a fuss. I have a warrant for your arrest 
and I don’t want to be rough. Come on. (Grabs 
Frank’s hands and slips handcuffs on.) Feel natural, 
don’t they—Tom Starks? You made a pretty get¬ 
away from the Joliet pen, but I’m afraid you’ll have to 
finish out your sentence, now, Tom. 

Frank (sullenly). How did you find me? 

Pal. Your wife sent me a snapshot of you. Like to 
see it? (Sylvia, with a groan , sinks into chair right 
and covers her face with her hands.) Well, Mr. Kent? 



YIMMIE YONSON’S YOB 


87 


Kent. Is the sheriff waiting 1 outside? 

Pal. Yes; all set. 

Kent. Very good. Take him away. 

Frank. Good-bye, Sylvia. Your hunch was right. 

Pal. Come on. ( Exits outside , taking Frank with 
him .) 

Bob ( crosses down right to front of table). Sylvia, 
for your sake I’m sorry. 

Kent. She’s a lucky girl to know in time, and I hope 
it will be a lesson to her. 

Sylvia ( rises and crosses left slowly). I’m going—• 
to my room. ( Exits left.) 

Bob. Poor girl. I’m sorry. 

Kent. So am I. 

Peg opens outside door quickly and bounces in. 

Peg. Glory, I’m glad to be home. ( Sees Bob.) 
Oh, Michael—I’m dead! 

She staggers back into the arms of Micky as he en¬ 
ters from outside. Micky, with Peg in his arms , stares 
in amazement at Bob. Kittie enters from outside. 

Kittle. What’s the matter, Peg? (te Bob.) Oh, 
Peg! ( Turns , grabs Peg and hides her face.) 

Bob. It’s I in the flesh, Peg. ( Laughs , then imi¬ 
tates her brogue.) I’ve played a dirty Irish trick on ye. 

Peg ( slowly straightens up). It’s him! Glory be 
to Peter, it’s the bye himself! 

Kittie ( to Bob). Gee whiz 1 Ain’t you dead? 

Bob. Not yet, Kittie. 

Peg ( crosses to Bob). Give us yer hand, ye loafer, 
ye—to be scarin’ us all into fits. What’s the meanin’ 
of it? ( Shakes his hand heartily.) 

Bob. It will take a week to tell it all, Peg. (Peg 
backs down right.) 




88 


YIMMIE YONSON’S YOB 


Micky ( crossing to Bob). Mr. Bob—then it was 
yerself I saw? 

Bob. Sure thing, Micky. ( Holds out hand.) 

Micky ( shaking hands). By garry, Betsy has bet¬ 
ter sense than I have. 

Kittie ( crossing to Bob). Oh, gee, I’m glad it’s 
really you! 

Bob {extending hand). Put her there. {They shake 
hands.) 

Kent. Now go away, children. I want to talk to 
my boy. 

Peg. Does Mrs. Kent know? 

Kent. Not yet. 

Peg. Ye must be careful. The shock might be too 
much for her. 

Bob {sits on table , facing audience; speaks sadly). 
Dear old mom. Gee, I hated to do this to her. 

Kent {crosses down left). Go and get her, Peg. 
Tell her it’s good news. You’ll know what to say. 

Peg {crosses up right of table). Sure. I’ll sort of 
prepare her. My, my! {Crosses and exits left.) 

Kittie. I’m going up, too. {Runs off left.) 

Micky. I’ll put the bus up. {Exits outside.) 

(Kent and Bob look at each other silently for a 
moment.) 

Kent {with difficulty). Robert—I think—I’ve 

learned my lesson. I’ll never be hasty again. 

Bob. I was to blame, I know. But please, dad—* 
trust me more in the future. I’ve had my lesson, too. 
I’ve done foolish things, dad, but never downright bad 
ones. Your faith and trust in me would have pulled me 
up lots of times. Kids are foolish, but don’t forget, 
dad, you were a kid yourself once. Don’t be too hard 
on us. If kids always felt they could fall back on their 



YIMMIE YONSON’S YOB 


89 


fathers’ love, things wouldn’t go from bad to worse with 
them. A boy always wants his father to think he’s just 
about “it.” But fathers try to frighten boys into being 
good. It can’t be done. Knowing that dad loves us 
has the threat-gag backed off the map for making us 
good, believe me. 

Kent (smiles). Well, I’ll try to be good in the fu¬ 
ture, son. (Shakes hands.) 

Belle enters left. Bob holds out his arms to her and 
she runs to his embrace. 

Bob. Dad, the girl I love. 

Peg enters quickly , left. 

Peg. Sh! She’s cornin’. (Crosses back of table to 
light door and exits into kitchen.) 

Kittie enters left , following Peg, and exits right. 

Kent. I’ll leave you with her, Bob. Be careful. 
(Exits right.) 

Belle, Hide, Bob. Hide. 

(Bob exits quickly outside.) 

Mrs. Kent enters left. 

Mrs. Kent. Belle, what is it, dear? Peg said I was 
wanted down here, and that I should be prepared for a 
great joy. (Crosses to right , back of table.) 

Belle. That’s right, dearest. Sit down. (Mrs. 
Kent sits right.) Now I’ll give you three wishes. I’m 
a good fairy. Close your eyes and wish. 

Mrs. Kent. Belle, what is it? What do you mean? 

Belle. Wish. What do you want most of any¬ 
thing? (Holds hands over Mrs. Kent’s eyes.) 

Mrs. Kent. Oh, you know. You needn’t ask me 
that, Belle. You know the wish nearest my heart. 




90 YIMMIE YONSON’S YOB 


Belle. Well, what is it? Tell me. 

Mrs. Kent. Oh, don’t play with me, dear. 

Belle. Wish. 

Mrs. Kent {solemnly). I wish my boy were alive. 
Belle. That’s one wish. Now number two. 

Mrs. Kent. I wish I could see my boy. 

Bob enters quietly from outside . 

Belle. Number two. Now number three. 

(Bob comes softly down , takes Belle’s place behind 
Mrs. Kent and puts his hands over her eyes.) 

Mrs. Kent. I wish that my boy were here. (Bob 
stoops over Mrs. Kent and kisses her forehead. Belle 
crosses back of table to left door. Mrs. Kent raises 
her hands , feels Bob’s face, her hands travelling over 
his head.) My boy! 

Bob {drops on his knees , left of her). Mother! 
{They embrace.) 

Mrs. Kent. Bob—oh, Bob —my boy—it was all a 
mistake. You have come back. {Looks into his face.) 

Bob {rising). Yes, mother. {Raises her to her 
feet.) 

Mrs. Kent. Oh, Bobbie, tell me all about it. 

Kent enters right. 

Kent. Well, mother, you see a bad penny always 
turns up. 

Pal enters from outside. Mrs. Kent crosses to chair 
right of table and sits. 

Kent {to Pal). Well, is he safe? 

Pal. You bet. Locked up. 

Peg and Kittie sneak on from right. Kittie remains 
up right. 




YIMMIE YONSON’S YOB 


91 


Peg. Is she all right? ( Crosses back of table cen¬ 
ter .) 

Mrs. Kent. I’ve found my joy, Peg. 

Peg. Heaven be praised. ( Crosses to Belle down 
left .) 

Micky enters from outside and crosses to left , up stage. 

Pal ( crossing to Mrs. Kent). I congratulate you, 
Mrs. Kent. 

Mrs. Kent ( extending hand). Thank you. Thank 
you. You helped bring this about. 

Kittie. Where’s Yimmie? 

Peg. Yes, where’s the Swede? 

Bob ( stands right , draws from pocket the wig he has 
worn in previous scenes a/nd puts it on). Ay ban Yim¬ 
mie Yonson from Mannasota. 

Kittie, Peg and Micky {together). Bobbie! 

(Pal crosses right to Kittie.) 

Bob. Yimmie Yonson is now gone forever, but he 
has given me back to you. 

Peg. Heaven bless him! 

Bob. Now, mom—dad—I want to introduce ( holds 
out hand to Belle) my wife. 

Mrs. Kent. Your wife ! 

Kent (standing behind Mrs. Kent’s chair). Bob! 

Bob. Belle. (Belle crosses quickly to him and 
places her hand in his. Bob and Belle kneel in front 
of Mrs. Kent, their backs to the audience.) Dad— 
mother—your blessing. 

Mrs. Kent (laying her hands on their heads). My 
dear children. 

Kittie {delighted). Oh! Ain’t love grand? 

Pal. You bet. 




92 


YIMMIE YONSON’S YOB 


Micky (stands back of Peg and puts arm around 
her ). Here too. 

Peg {with hands on hips). By garry—and ’tis said 
that a woman can’t keep a secret! 

Curtain. 




Too Many Crooks 


BY 

Paul Prester Temple 

FARCE-COMEDY in 3 acts; 4 males, 4 females. 
Time, 2 hours. Scenes: 2 interiors. 

CHARACTERS. 


The Rt. Rev. Manfred Chadsey, D.D., LL.D 


Ned Sheldon.. 

Rafford. 

Locke . 

Miss Tate. 

Kitty Penrose 
Mrs. Chadsey. 
Jenny .. 


. The Bishop 

.His nephew 

The man-of-all-work 

.The constable 

.A neighbor 

.Her niece 

...The bishop’s wife 
.The maid 


Not so bad as it sounds, for everyone is proven in¬ 
nocent. While the finger of suspicion is pointed in 
various directions and Locke, the blundering con¬ 
stable, is kept busy collecting footprints, Miss Tate’s 
jewels are finally found in the last place anyone would 
expect to find them and all’s well. Ned wants to pose 
as a hero to win the much needed approval of Kitty’s 
aunt, Miss Tate, so he arranges with Rafford, a re¬ 
formed burglar, for a phony robbery, in which Ned is 
to appear in the nick of time and save the gems. But 
Ned is late for the date, and there is nothing for Raf¬ 
ford to do but to complete the robbery. The conspira¬ 
tors try to return the emeralds to the rightful owner, 
but there is one complication after another. How the 
loot is passed from hand to hand and even involves 
the dear old bishop in circumstantial evidence fur¬ 
nishes the basis for one of the liveliest farce-comedies 
ever constructed. The play is well built in every de¬ 
tail, with one unexpected situation after another in 
quick succession, and is worked out along thoroughly 
modern lines. The cast is unusually well balanced. 
An ideal offering for colleges and high schools. 


Professional stage rights reserved , and a 
royalty of fifteen dollars required for amateur 
performance . Price, Per Copy, 50c 


T. S. Denison & Company, Publishers 

623 South Wabash Avenue CHICAGO 













The Path Across the Hill 


BY 

Lillian Mortimer 

COMEDY-DRAMA in 3 acts; 5 males, 5 females. 
Time, 2 hours. Scene: 1 interior. 

CHARACTERS. 


Samuel Crawford .Grandpa 

Robert Post.The Visitor 

Walter Conrad.Ruth’s Brother 

Dr. Jimmie Reed.With Ambition 

Salamander Alexander John Henry Jones. 

. Zuzu’s Choice 

Mrs. Davis .Grandma 

Ruth Conrad.Nicknamed “Bobbie” 

Flo Gray.Ruth’s Cousin 

Lutie .A Neighbor 

Zuzu.The Colored Cook 


Ruth is engaged to Dr. Reed but delays marriage 
because she feels vt will leave Grandpa Crawford with¬ 
out a home. But Grandpa Crawford and Mrs. Davis 
find romance even in the autumn of life, and Ruth is 
about to marry Reed when two strangers arrive in 
town. One is Ruth’s cousin Flo, who straightway sets 
her cap for the doctor, and the other is Robert Post, 
whose meeting with Grandpa ends his years of search 
for the man who plundered his father’s bank and sent 
his father and mother broken-hearted to the grave. 
Grandpa does not deny the crime, but begs Post to 
wait until Ruth’s future happiness is assured. Flo 
wins the doctor away from Ruth, while Post tries to 
stifle his love fo-r Ruth because of his desire for ven¬ 
geance on her grandfather, but the old couple show 
them that love is a stronger power than hate, and 
Grandpa is proven innocent of any wrongdoing. Be¬ 
sides the above characters the cast includes a tomboy 
neighbor, her sharp-tongued mother, a colored cook 
and her new husband. The characters are well bal¬ 
anced and the staging is not difficult. 

The single stage setting and the well-balanced cast 
make this a particularly desirable play for amateurs. 
Every character is good for an individual hit. 

Price, 35 Cents. 


T. S. Denison & Company, Pnblishers 

623 South Wabash Avenue CHICAGO 















Brother Elks 

• BY 

Larry E. Johnson 

COMEDY in 3 acts; 6 males, 6 females. Time, 2 Y 2 
hours. Scene: 1 interior. 

CHARACTERS. 


Walt Woodward.A technical engineer, and an Elk 

Judge Evans.From Manila; another Elk 

Old Martin Younge.An octogenarian 

Jim Kendal.Manager of the Brant Valley Co. 

Young Martin Younge.Nephew of Old Martin 

Senator Dowling.Kendal’s right-hand man 

Jen Eddington.Engaged to Walt 

Mazie Kendal.Engaged to Young Martin 

Mrs. Radcliffe.A Widow 

Blanche Kendal.Mazie’s cousin 

Mayme Mullrenen.A stenographer from Chicago 

Ellen .A maid 


The adventures and misadventures of a hustling but 
luckless young man who is very much in love," but 
who is too poor to get married, form the basis of this 
dashing comedy. Day by day in every way he is fall¬ 
ing deeper in love and deeper in debt. He must have 
money, but how is he to get it? He goes to a brother 
Elk, explains the situation and together they devise 
a scheme for raising the necessary funds. It is a 
perfectly honest, strictly legitimate business propo¬ 
sition, but it has no precedent. Never in the history 
of -the world has anything of the kind been attempted. 
With fear and trembling they put the plan ‘into opera¬ 
tion and the two Elks find themselves involved in the 
business affairs of a syndicate of wealthy men and 
entangled in the love affairs of a half dozen young 
women. Their efforts to bluff the former and to side¬ 
step the latter bring about some sidesplitting comedy 
situations. One laugh follows another in quick suc¬ 
cession, getting louder and longer as the action de¬ 
velops, and climaxing in a roar at each curtain. 
Scenery and costumes are easy, and the country club 
setting gives the ladies an excellent opportunity to 
display pretty summer dresses. An ideal play for 
colleges and high schools. 

Professional stage rights reserved , and a 
royalty of fifteen dollars required for amateur 
performance . Price, Per Copy, 50c 


T. S. Denison & Company, Publishers 

623 South Wabash Avenue CHICAGO 
















Never Touched Me 

RY 

Larry E. Johnson 

COMEDY in 3 acts; 6 males, 3 females. Time, 2*4 
hours. Scenes: 2 interiors. 

CHARACTERS. 


Doctor Digby.A Young Physician 

John Cullen.A Broker 

Professor Barrett.An Experimental Chemist 

Vanderberg.A Broker Who Is Broke 

Bill the Butch.A Burglar 

Clancy .A Cop 

Joyce Barrett.The Professor’s Daughter 

Millie .Joyce’s Friend 

Agnes.A Nurse in Training 


When Vanderberg goes broke in a Wall Street ad¬ 
venture he finds that he has unintentionally thrown 
away the fortune of another man in addition to his 
own. As the only way to wipe out his disgrace, he 
plans to be killed and leave his life insurance to the 
man whom he has ruined. But as soon as he has the 
plot all set, things transpire that make him wish he 
had not hired Bill the Butch to bump him off. His ef¬ 
forts to keep one jump ahead of the undertaker fur¬ 
nish an evening of fun and excitement, in which there - 
is something doing every minute. Characters include 
a business man who has lost his money but retained 
his sense of humor; a business man who still has his 
money, but never did have a sense of humor; a light 
comedy doctor; a tough comedy burglar; a character 
comedy professor of chemistry; an energetic cop; the 
professor’s fascinating daughter; a charming nurse in 
training; and still another girl, equally attractive. 
With a brilliant professional career to its credit, this 
play is now released to amateurs. The publishers 
consider themselves fortunate in being able to offer 
to amateurs a play of this high type on such reason¬ 
able terms. 

Professional stage rights reserved , and a 

royalty of fifteen dollars required for amateur 
performance. Price, Per Copy, 50c 


T. S. Denison & Company, Publishers 

623 South Wabash Avenue CHICAGO 














fl 


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T. S. Denison & Company, Publishers 

623 S. Wabash Ave. CHICAGO 


11-1023 


I 


















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